Sometimes we are attracted to things that we don't like.

My attempt to fall asleep failed so I decided that it's more reasonable to chill on the computer than to lay down in bed for hours and force myself to fall asleep. Doesn't work AT ALL. I'm so intensed lately. Most of time nervous and anxious which makes me act like a bitch. Don't like it at all. Yesterday I took 2 sleeping pills IN THE MORNING :D Sure, why not. It eases up emotional stuff. It seems like I have problems, but I DON'T! Life is treating me good. And I am happy. Right now even more than other times. With pretty much no reason. There doesn't need to be a reason for feeling bad or feeling good. It's just all what we let us feel. Let the inside world control the outside world. 

Have you discovered a song that you become so addicted that you put it on again and again and again and when you try to listen some other song, the other ones almost disgusts us 'cause it's not the awesome song you wanna listen over again? My addiction is that one:

Listening it makes me so calm and... HAPPY. It's so good to listen it, close my eyes and imagine where I wanna be, what I wanna do and with who. Sometimes imagining things seems so real. Sometimes they are good enough. Like.. I can have all I want without actually having them. Dreaming is good enough.

 I discovered a pretty awesome thing called body rocking. It's a fitness training. Or sth like that. I've done it for few days now and gotta say it works. And doing those exerzises makes me laugh, 'cause I start to think of those teaching videos that looks kind of like porn videos :D Just listen that accent and see "the stuff".

Best thing about new years eve was probably songs my lil bro made. We just got an electrical quitar and he feels himself like a real musician already :D Something from his song that he made for me: "Min syster är kär i Christhopher. Jag undrar hur mycket barn de få. Min syster är den snyggaste tjej." In english it's: "My sister is in love with Christhopher. I wonder how many kids they are going to have. My sister is the hottest girl.". Guess which part I liked the most? Kids, kids, kids!! Please! Maybe my having-kids-nightmares are the reasone I can't fall asleep. Just don't wanna see another one. In my dream-world I must be a skank, 'cause all my dream-kids seems to have different dads. AWESOME! I love kids, but don't wanna have them in so young age.



First time in my life I am a taxpayer! Weird that I'm excited and so happy about it. I clean offices... and toilets:D... which actually isn't that bad at all.  I kind of like my job. I'm getting money :D And people are giving me respect. And I give myself respect.

I guess I love my life...

Happiness is a choice

"Whatever you choose for You is right! You cannot get it wrong. If you have chosen something for You, it is right! You cannot fail. It is impossible for you to fail, because how can you fail at being You? You are the perfection of You, because nobody else can be You. You have got You down pat! Do you appreciate that you are an outstanding and total success at being You, right where you are now? "


www.thesecret.tv is the thing I believe in, 'cause it works. Swear to god. And that David Icke stuff... Just a bulls**t to freak people out. My sister got to know about it and she thinks it's pure true and sees things black and white. "We are actually all slaves. Only few people rules the world." I RULE MY OWN WORLD. It's not healty to believe in that trash. But what I recommend, is The Secret. I don't care if some thinks it's naive or whatever. At least I'm feeling awesome. Happy about the present. Finally.
People who always whine are pathetic. It's stupid to only complain and not to see that life is actually good. Like that man with no hands and arms.

"U see, I would try 100 times to get up and if I fail 100 times.. if I fail and I give up, do u think I'll ever gonna get up? "If he can be happy, why can't others? Happiness is a choice...

WAIT OR CREATE

Guess what it is. First it makes each and one of us become a shopaholic. We also are almost addicted to cleaning, because of it. Then it makes us watch movies, that we have already seen hundred times and listen songs that aren't even our cup of tea. Finally it gives us food pregnancy and get's lost. It's CHRISTMAS!!


Christmas Eve was actually really cool. My lil bro handed out presents. "You can sit on my lap too, if you don't have a poem or song.". Little pal, you wouldn't survive it! Before christmas I made clear if he believes in Santa or not. I had to do it, 'cause he wanted more and more presents. "Santa don't need money. Santa has dwarfs." Well, the real Santa actually needs money.. And I got to know, he's not a believer. He knows exactly where the presents come from, he was just pretending. Sneaky little ones. At the end he bought everybody something (with my money btw :D). When Krista opend the one he got her, he added "I got it for 10 krones from Karlsson.". Hhaha, epic!


The warmest christmas I've ever had. I was so scared that this place gonna turn into Alaska or something. It actually looks like it's getting ready for spring already. Went running the day after christmas and gonna do it again today. Cause I can :D



What I've been feeling for past weeks, is not good at all. Feel like nothing. Sometimes I wanna do bad things, 'cause even the bad is better than nothing. I'm 20 after 5 months and where have I got? nowhere... Yep, I've learned swedish. Yep, I have a job. Yep, I have friends. Yep, I have bf. I have quite everything. I'm still not happy. I'm a big zero. I know swedish, but to get a better job, I gotta learn so many years, that when I finish, I'm kind of old. My crappy job is only on Wednesday and Friday, so I'm not sure if I make enough money to be able to pay a little rent to my mom and still have enough to enjoy life. My really good friends are far. The people I know here aren't that close. My bf.. good but complicated. I don't need men, I need friends. I really miss girl-talk. I wanna be productive. At the moment it feels like I'm more waiting than creating. I wanna make more out of my life, just don't know how. And I'm sick of thinking, that it will all get better in time. Sick of waiting. Time to act.


Yesterday was nice. Some friends came over. My lil bro had also a friend at us. We all danced. Evening ended up with talking about relationships. Even though I didn't tell nothing about mine, it was so what I needed! Girl talk with guys :D Intresting. And they broke my bed :D:D

And who was in Estonia again? I'm like married to Estonia. That damn paperwork. And I may get some serious problems, because of someone else. Nice huh? "You're not gonna live in Estonia anyway, right?". I have no idea what I'm gonna do or where I'm gonna be. Only thing I know is that I'm still not pleased. Everything's good, but it's still not right. I'll make it right.
This year is nearly over. First moments of that year I knew it will be different and awesome. It haven't been that awesome. It has been quite boring. Whine whine and whine :D


One evening in Estonia I went out with my older sis and her friends. One word AWESOME. Things have change. Now she is asking me out with her, but before I was asking (probably commanding) to go out with her. Nice to be older. I used to be and awful kid. It was insane! Even I can't believe it was me. Probably that's why I'm so calm now. I had my days..


I'm back home now. Paranoid, confused, dissappointed but still kind of happy. Yesterday I went to my friend's scool, which is my sweetie's old school btw. Met some awesome ppl. Everybody stares the new face...
People was in groups. Black guys hanged out with black guys, black girls hanged out with black girls, arabic guys hanged out with arabic guys and Muji (my friend) was hanging out with all types of girls :D
I talked a lot of swedish. It's easier to speak with foreigners, cause they understand better. One day I won't have that weird accent. That day would be GREAT!


Nicki Minaj is the coolest and hottest woman on earth. Just watch her..

I hate my job. At least it makes me study harder. And I earn money. I definitely don't wanna live on social benefit and my mom's wallet. It's just a start. Sweden is a great country.

So far, so good

This song is so good!! Starting to love swedish music.

In the beginning of last week I went to Estonia AGAIN. It was the last time I was pushed to go there. Now I don't know when I'm gonna go back there. My life in Sweden get's more and more settled down. I GOT A JOB! So happy about it. Even though I'm gonna work only 2 evenings in week. It's just the beginning. Then I got my own room that keeps me busy. My sister's room. I didn't even get to see her before she left and I have no idea how can I keep in touch with her. Anyway I can change the room and make it really nice.


What's buging me today

A guy, who was kind of my friend had said some bulls**t about me. And I have been so nice with him. So disturbing. I would like to say to his face what a bastard he is, but why to bother? His an ass, always been. Treating his friends like trash. I just can't understand why on earth he had to say those things. People blame others in their mistakes. Good luck to him, 'cause time has shown what you give is what you get back. Congratulations douchebag!
(few hours later) I had to be "a real grownup" and make a big deal of it :D I asked him out to clear things up. And guess what? I feel awesome now :D

I don't want to brag, but I got a FRIKING AWESOME GUY. How didn't I see it in the very beginning?

So, my Estonia. The ship-trip was quite intresting. Ppl on the voyage are so confident and bold. Yeah, of course I wanna hook up with you and your alcohol-breath, you cutie. So many drunk ppl. But I was with my dad, so it was ok. Some swedish guys started to talk with me. First I answered in swedish, then we went over on english. "Ok, I gotta go now."
"Bye! See you later"
"Yeah." I went to my room and I stayed there. YEAH :D In the morning dad said:
"You went to bed that early so I couldn't hand on greetings."
"What are you talking about?"Those swedish guys went to my dad to ask about me. I wish I saw and hear their conversation. Would have been entertaining since my dad doesn't speak neither english nor swedish.


Oh my friking god how many things I had to do and how many places I had go. In the future I'm gonna live in a place where there aren't so many rules and paper-work. My dad said: "That's the grownups world". Well, the grownups world could suck my imaginary ding-dong.

The last night in Estonia. I went to a club with my friends. I love love love them. If I could have them here, my world would rock! But seems I can't have ppl I adore near me. Come on, even my heart had to go away. BUT I'm gonna see him on Saturday!! Anyway, the club.. I felt so good. And I got a kiss on my cheek from a GIRL. She stept on my foot accidentally. Guys were basically walking through me and they didn't even say sorry. Bastards! Then there was an old classmate, who now thinks she's so much better than others. "Yeah, I'm sitting here with my bf and chilling on facebook in my awesome touch-screen phone. I'm too cool to dance. I'm too cool to say hello to my old classmates.". PA-THE-friking-TIC! But dancing with the good ones was awesome! And I looked so club-material-girl. I think there was no girl who was wearing more close than I did :D Cherry, only you were missing from that perfect evening.

Going back to Sweden was so "fun". First the port was full off drunk ppl. Then the women in check-in didn't wan't to give me my ticket.
"You're only 19. Ppl under 20 can only travel with a person who's over 30 in the weekends."WHAT THE ***? Like on workdays I'm adult and in the weekend I'm not? What a weird rule. Becides, they sold me the ticket on the internet. Makes no sence! My dad was pissed off:
"Where's the boss of the company. It's gonna be a court case." And we got my ticket right away :D
Noone messes with my dad. He's like an american. Always wants to go to the court to insist justice. At least it seems to be like that there.

On ship. Stepping in my room. I see 2 grannys. First thing one of them says to me:
"I hoped noone else will come here, but then you came." Hello to you too :D And then she complained how sick she is and how much medicin she have to take and how bad she feels.
"I can't be in a same room with so many ppl. I don't have enough air."The Crew had a security training. Everybody heard alarm. The old women came to the room and said that she was so terrified that she thought she's gonna die right away. Overreacting much? :D
I woke up about 5am and what I saw? She was walking back and forth in the cab. Are you serious? It was freaky. I couldn't fall asleep again. It stinked there. So I got myself ready and went out. When I went back after few hours, the I'm-gonna-die-today woman asked:
"Couldn't you sleep because of me?"I was trying to be nice: "No, I just had enough of sleeping."
"Oh, I thought if you were up because of me, it would have been one and one: you couldn't sleep because of me and I couldn't sleep because of you in the morning."Hahaha, seriously? :D The other grandma' was nice. She was finnish, but she talked swedish too, so we had a nice conversation with her. She was always cheerful and sweet.


On Monday I broke up with thai boxing. If you saw me sparring there, you could realize why I stopped. I can't hit people. I was doing some stupid swimming moves and I closed my eyes, when someone hit me and even when I hit. Becides my boyfriend didn't like my bruises :D

When I look at you, when I talk with you, when I think about you, my pupils are heart-shaped

Never thought I'm such a softy

On Wednesday I went to school only to make some tests. After that I felt I need to talk with someone, who could know how to make things better. I choosed the teacher I trust and like the most. First I spoke about what happend in the shop.
"Do they have a right to search my bag without a reason?"
"No, no they don't"I talked more abot it, how bad I felt and stuff and then, oh shit, it got so emotional, that I almost burst into tears. My voice was friking weird :D
"It's okay, you can cry. We have time." 
She was so nice. Luckily I managed to hold it back. Only few tears. That wasn't even a big deal. When little things bug me that much, then what happens with bigger ones'?
"I wanna do something about it so it will never happen again with me or with anybody else. Can I do something?"
Yes yes yes!! She said she will call to the boss of that shop and ask why they did it. It's obviously not good for the shop either that the cashier did it. They will loose customers. I'm never gonna go back there. I even don't wanna see the shop anymore, cause it will only remind me the humiliation. And probably the people I have told about it, would feel also weird beeing there. When they have a bag, then I think their gonna hesitate going in there. Next week I'm gonna hear what happend.
After that I told to teacher the other problem that's been bugging me. Much more important than the shop insident. AND OH MY GOD, I had to fight with bursting into tears again. What the hell is wrong with me? I didn't think I am so soft. Anyway I got help. She said what should I do.
"After you have done it, please tell me, how did it go and if it worked, okay? I wanna be sure, that everything works out. If it don't help we're gonna figure out something else."
I love her! I'm not just a work for her, like students mostly are for teachers. She really cares about her pupils.
Then I had to go. I took a look in the mirror. Gosh! My chest was filled with big red blots, like I had some rash. When I was on the bus, I discoverd that my heart was still beating out of my chest. I'm so not used to talk about my problems and feelings.


Now I'm in Estonia. At my older sister's home. Love it here. My little niece counted days till my arrival. We did a lot of stuff together. She wanted me to paint a picture with watercolours. I told my sis that my guy is black (I told it to my granny too and she said "Oh my God!" :D I love seeing the reaction of ppl. They are not used to with different ppl) and she was bugging me after that.
"Have you kissed with him? Have you had sex with him?"
And so on.. When I was painting the picture for my niece, sister said to her taughter:
"Do you wanna see Eveli's boyfriend? Let her draw you him."
Challenge accepted! I started to paint and my niece said:
"You can use this to do the face." and guess what colour she was pointing? :D WHITE.
"No dear, she can't use it." said my sis.
I started with the face. My niece looked it and asked:
"What's that?"
"It's his face." I answered.
"Why is it brown?" she was confused.
My sis said to her: "Yeah, sweetie, why is it so? You should know why. Eveli will explain you."
Felt like a society lesson. I said: "He has a different nationality. He's from Africa."
Guess it came into her mind, "A NIGGA!" she said with a cute smile. She was happy, that she knew it.
Just to clear it up, even though "nigga" is politically incorrect word, it's mostly not a swearword in Estonia. At least I haven't ever used it as an insult. There just doesn't find a good word for black people. In estonian it is "neeger". It's simple and mostly doesn't have a bad meaning. Of course there finds some stupid jealous ppl who says bad things about black ppl, some skinheads, who use that word as a swearword, but still.. Why is it inappropriate in the first place? I'm gonna ask that question later to google.

That's what I painted. Sorry, I'm not an artist.

Bad things only makes us stronger

Very personal. Maybe I shouldn't talk about it, but I really want to get it off my chest and blog is the best place for me even though it's public and others don't have to know about my problems. But still... it's my life and I'm not ashamed or whatever. I'm gonna give all my secrets away. Ok, don't get your hopes up :D

Another sleepless night. Me and mom are sleeping in my sistetrs room, cause sleeping in the same room with dad is impossible because of the reason I already have told. What my sis did? Watched some stupid vampire series (Buffy I think) without headphones. Somehow I still fell asleep. Then about 4am I woke up because of an awful smell. My sis had smoke in the room and not even opend the window. Thank you for harming my health and not letting me and mom sleep. Mom asked if she's gonna watch her stupid show all night long. She said yes. Thoughtful! Yes, I was grateful that she let us sleep in her room, cause we couldn't sleep in our room. Me, my mom and I don't have our own room. We sleep in our living room that are split half with a closet. My dad got my bed, so yeah. My lil bro slept in the same room with dad. Hahha, nothing can disturb him when he's sleeping.

So I woke up 4am and I wasn't able to fall asleep again. So I went to the kitchen to study. I have never drink black coffee, but this morning I drinked 2 cups and I even liked it. Unusual. Anyway when sis came to the kitchen and wanted to smoke there, I got mad and said she can close the window, close and tape the holes of her door and smoke there.
"Are you serious?" she asked.
I said of course I am. I even said thank you for letting us sleep there and I wanted to explain that she was wrong and selfish, but she just said angrily "Shut your mouth" and went to her room. Noone messes with me. I took tape, went to her door and did what I had to :D
My bro woke up "What are u doing?"
I said "Shh!"
He looked and understand "Good work!"
Hahah. He added that I should have taped her window also, cause she could escape through the window by bonding her clothes together. He have watched too much tv. The tape wouldn't stop her going out of her room (I'm not that bad, come on), but the message counted. I had to take it off, so my sis wouldn't be able to accuse us in terrorizing her. Puberty is sooooooooooooooo awesome.

I felt so bad for my mom. She will have a very long and hard day today. First 4 dirty house she needs to clean and then school. She'll be home at 9pm. She was so messed up in the morning. Tyred and sick. When I put my hand on her forehead and hold it there for a while, she almost fell asleep. It's so imprortant that she will have a good sleep. Uhh..

It's so hard. It really is. I love her, but sometimes I wish I lived somewhere else, far away from her. The things she have told to me.. the things she have told others about me... It hurts alot. I thought we were good, that we get a long fine, that we are friends and then she just goes and complains how awful I am.
We have to interrupt, but the swedish childcare system is f*cked up. Children have so many rights and parents so few.




Yesterday happend really disturbing incident. I had some minutes before i had to go to bus, so I went to a foodshop to just look if they had some good offers or new goods. When I hurried on the bus, the shopkeeper stoped me.
"Can I look in to your bag?"
I was so shocked that I had to ask "What?" even though I heard very well what se said.
I felt so embarrased, humiliated. I think my face was red as Snowhites lips. She had no reason at all. I didn't even touch anything. I gave my bag and she searched my bag like I was some thief. I should have asked maybe they wanna search through me too like police searches through hooligans and other crooks WITH A GOOD REASON. Search my pockets and touch my body. Maybe even do a x-ray just for in case I had swallowed something. I'm never gonna go back to that shop. And what's worst, the women even didn't appologize. These kind of things get's me so bad, that I usually cry, but I was holding it back this time. I wish I had said something to that mean woman. Come on, every shop has cameras and alarms... What if I had took apples or sth with from home? What would have happend? What if I had missed the bus because of them? What if I was in hurry? That's just so so so stupid. I told about what happend to my classmates who were also waiting the bus. They said that it have happend before too. The reason why they searched my bag, was that it was big (usual size, just a schoolbag) and if I wanna go to a shop, I should leave my bag to cashier's. ?????????????? That's not normal, really. I'm gonna do sth about it. I promice. Noone have to feel themselves as thieves with no reason.

I close my eyes and I can see a better day.

Estonians as a football gangstas

This is how it all started

Now we estonians got very pissed off, even though our team is not that good. In fact I think we have never been good in football. That's why I don't watch us playing. Hurts too much :D But this time our team have been a bit better and we actually won some games. Yes, we are so proud. Then came that game with Ireland and lot of ppl had their hopes up. And what we got? We got Viktor Kassai.

10 games, 58 yellow cards, 5 red cards. It makes 2 cards in minute.

Then got everything pretty wild on facebook. First "Viktor Kassai dislike" club or whatever that was. I can't remember something more popular with estonians. Now it has over 30 000 likes (there's á bit over a million people in Estonia so it's a pretty big thing). We don't like unjustice. Then came pictures and wall post and all other stuff. Facebook was full on Kassai. People overreacted. Like "Now that Kassai gonna get". "You can't hide.". "If I was him, I would't show my face in Estonia.". I really hope that noone is not that stupid to kick his ass. "Estonian fans handing out red cards in Dublin.". Now I know that overreacting is in my blood :D Anyway it's getting embarrasing.

There was an offering "We're giving away luxurious week for you and your six friends." Couple of ppl put "like" to it. Like 25 000 ppl :D Then it changed to "We support Ireland and Viktor Kassai!" hahah! LOL. Nice prank! Lot of ppl was angry. It's so easy to piss us, estonians off :D It was so entertaining to read the comments there. I got a lot of free time

Anyway today's gonna be another match between Estonia and Ireland! So 21:35 at estonian time it starts. Good luck!

Oh, by the way, I like Ireland ppl (mickeys??). Before the game, after the game.



A comment from a guy in "Victor Kassai dislike" group. Kassai is hungarian btw 

"Hey, I'm hungarian and proud member this group, because I see this arogant idiot on every week, Let's go FTC, Let's go Eesti ; )"

Guess who's going to Estonia tomorror? :D And this time I will actually see my friends too. So good! But first I gotta survive a night on ship with my dad. No man snores more awfully. Seriously. Yesterday night I slept only 3 hours. I woke up, clapt my hands really loud, but of course it didn't help. I couldn't throw something at him, 'cause it would have been so mean. Gosh, I had forgotten how difficult it is to live under the same roof with a man. He's gone soon, so whatever. The whole family is together now and it feels weird. Thanks to this is the bond between me and my sister getting stronger. I love hanging around with her. I think that around her I act much weirder than around others :D Yeah, I'm so 19 years old. At least still a teen.

I'm suprised about that feeling inside me. I really love him. I'm facinated, amazed, happy, happy, happy. That's the way it is with ppl who's in love. It's so ordinary, nothing unseen or unfelt, but gosh.. I think about it every day and it gives me chills. I don't believe in love at first sight. It's just first impression, based only on appearance. It wasn't there in the beginning. But suddenly.. yeah. Guess you learn to love. I ain't letting go. I'm waiting. Patience. No one can see it the way I do. Noone has to know, how it is. HIS MINE

MY DAD IS IN SWEDEN! Yesterday when I came back from training, I met my dad in corridor. I was like a little child who got a candy. Daddy made supper. So cute! Even my sis sat with us. And they huged :) Progress!
Will I get him to accept the guy I love? Hell yeah! :D I think he's not racist even if he thinks so. In Estonia there just aren't so many different ppl. I'm sure he haven't even speak with a black person before. GET USED TO MY ADDICTION :D

I'm not intrested in men. I'm intrested in one particular exemplar.

On monday in school an arabic guy shocked us He got angry on his wife and got aggressive. I don't know exactly what happend, but the guy hitted his wife and those who tried to intervence. Even the teacher got a hit. We have such a heroes in our class. All guys interrupt. The fight started cause of religion and I don't even blame the guy, who got aggressive. He's a good guy. Just gotta understand, that religion is tender theme and we gotta think before we say something. Especially about things that we don't know much about. Life goes on normally. I still love my school. I'm getting to know people more day by day. Today I talked with my new favourite. He is so calm and sweet. One day when we had firealarm practice and everybody had to go out, he took his jacket off and gave it to his wife. It was freezing and he was on his t-shirt. Cute cute cute. I'm so happy, that I can have conversation with ppl in swedish now. But I'm also happy to have my african girl with who I can talk english.



I hate when estonias (mostly those, who livs or have visited some other country they really liked) fustigate Estonia. "This or that country is so much better." "People in this or that country are much more friendlier." And blablabla. Go to hell, you have been raised in this country, so don't talk sh*t about it. Yes, the economic is going down and it's hard to cope with it. Yes, the people in general aren't that outgoing, but that's the way we are. We are who we are. No matter how messed up it is, I'm still proud of my country. How it has developed so fast and all, how hard-working we are. I'm not sure, if I'm gonna live there one day, probably not, but still... I'm not gonna talk sh*t about my land. Vybz Kartel - Poor People Land  I wouldn't say we are poor. No! But the song just suits here. Becides, Vybz is so great! :D

Heart sings

Miss Wanna Be Single is in love and enjoying it. Didn't see that coming, huh. :D Didn't ask for it. Yeah, I did wish that sth good would happen, but nothing like that. And it's growing and growing and growing till it explodes, breaks and disappears. Haha, just kidding. I'm not saying it's forever, it's not even what I expected to have one day, but I'm friking enjoying it.

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered “Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

I don't wanna be like that. I'm terrified of getting old and regret letting my youth slip through my fingers. Terrified of wasting my life. Actually now I'm back in the point when I just live and wait to be free again. No plans, no responsibilities. I wanna do sth unusual, insane. Like my girl Cherry. Go and explore. Not now. Not yet. I found a feeling I wasn't supposed to find yet. Right kind of wrong. It feels so damn good. I don't even care anymore that I don't have true friends here. I got my old one's and I sure don't need to replace 'em. I don't care that I don't go out to have some fun, that I'm sitting home most of the time. There just aren't noone here, I wanna go out with. I got some good things going on and that's enough. People always want more instead of appreciate good things they have. Stupid!

My dad is coming here in Sweden. I'm so curious about what this will lead to. If my life is boring, I can spice it up with other's drama :D Daddy, be ready to see colours. I'm sure he will get rid of his stupid opinion about black and arabic ppl. He has no other choice.. Who knows.. since I love colours, he may have little chocolate grandchildren one day. :D We'll see about that.

My sis told me few days ago that there's no point to live. That life on the planet is pointless. No suicidal thought, but just.. she explained her thoughts pretty good. Even though I disagreed, I felt so down in the evening, 'cause I couldn't come up with any objection. Yes, I love life. But I don't have any reason why it's good that I live :D What if there was nothing? No life. Just emptyness.. I feel sorry for my sis, 'cause she always have those creepy ideas. She thinks too much.

Midagi, mille olen unustanud blogisse panna.

(juuni alguses kirjutaud vms)

Olen Rootsis nüüdseks pea 2 nädalat olnud. Stockholmist sõitsin bussiga Uppsalasse, kus emme ja Krista mind ootasid. Jessuke, mu emme on rosinaks muutunud. Jumala hea näeb välja. Tast on mõne kuuga pool järgi jäänud :D Uppsalast sõitsime autoga Vängesse ja läksime bussipeatusesse bussi ootama. Jubepalav oli. Otsustasin seal samas riideid vahetada. Mark mul pole. Miks peakski? Kunagi töllerdasid inimesed vapsee paljalt ringi ju. Inimesi seal ka eriti polnud. Buss hilines umbes 20 minutit ja sellel oli mõjuv põhjus – ÜLEKUUMENEMINE. Konditsioneer ei töötanud. Tundsin end kui mikrolaineahjus ja muretsesin selle šokolaadihunniku pärast, mis mu hiigelkotis ilmselt šokolaadisupiks sulas. Poole tee peal hakkas buss piuksuma ja varsti sõitsime tee äärde. Mõneminutilise peatuse järel sõitsime edasi ja jõudsime tervelt Morgongåva'sse. Emme korter on ülinunnu ja hea. Varsti läksime Arturi kooli. Tal oli arenguvestlus. See väike päkapikk üllatas mul karbi lahti. Rääkis õpetajaga sorinal rootsi keelt. Whaaaaaaaat? Ta on mu tõlk siinmail :) Mis veel üllatuseks tuli, oli see, et talle meeldib lugeda, rootsi keeles muidugi. Selgus, et mu pisike blondipäine musirull on mind endale eeskujuks võtnud. No ausalt, ülivõimas on kellelegi nii oluline ja imetlusväärne olla eriti siis, kui nii mõnigi sind jalaga maa alla surub.




Hea, et ma sain kodust eemale. Ausalt öeldes vahepeal tundus, et isegi praegune asukoht pole piisavalt kaugel. Ikka pääsevad jamad kodumailt minuni. Ikka kellegi mürgised sõnad. Miks meeldib inimestele halvimat uskuda ja veel hullem, halba rääkida, klatšida? Pere ja sugulased on ülekõige. Veri on paksem kui vesi. Sugulased.. õhk on ka paksem kui veri siinkohal. Lihtsalt uskumatu. See teeb haiget. Nii haiget, et tahaks ära kaduda teadmatusse, muutuda olematuks. Ma olen sellest üle. Ma tean, mis ma olen, mis pole. Mul on mingi obsessiv vajadus meeldida. Olla hea. Mida parem püüad olla, seda sitem on. Nii, et nüüd olen nagu olen. Öelgu nad mida tahes. Ma tean, et ma olen hea tüdruk. Nagu teistel vigu poleks, eks. Aga ei, palk enda silmas on köömes, eksole. Nii et enam ma ei seleta, õigusta. Nagu selle ekooli kommentaariga, mis nii mõnelgi õpetajal karvad püsti ajas. Kirjutasin pika seletava kirja juurde, aga sellestki polnud kasu. „A klassi arvamuseavaldaja.“. Olgu peale. Sellega olen juba leppinud. Nüüd tundub see lausa humoorikas. Kui ma saaks lahti halvast harjumusest kõike isiklikult võtta ja südamesse lasta, oleks kõik jättebra. ”It's not personal, it's business.” :D



Tagasi Rootsi juurde. Min lillebror kohta seda ka veel, et tüüp sogas õpetajale, et ta oskab kolme keelt: inglise, rootsi ja saksa. Saksa keelt räägib ta unes :D Mhm! Mina, kui tunnistaja, võin öelda, et sonib poiss rootsi keeles. KUI VEIDER! Mõlege ise: olete eestlane, aga pärast aastat aega mingil võõral maal olemist, sonite ka juba ei tea mis keeles. Kui ühel päeval Rakani ja vennaga väljas käisime, seletas mu pisike rootsi keeles, et ta musitas ühe tüdrukuga 10 minutit vetsus luku taga :D Mhm, skoorib.



Õde on ka paras frukt :D Vanga-usku (kergeukslikele ei soovita, aga teised võivad googeldada Vanga kohta), paranoilisem, kui ma ise, boheemlasliku toaga kullatükk. Temaga on hea kindel. Boksimutt siiski :D Umbes nädal tagasi läks tüdruk ära Eesti. Üsna kuri olen! Oleks tahtnud ikka temaga siin ilma vallutada.



Mida ma Rootsis teinud olen? Paar esimest päeva suurt mitte midagi. Siis hakkasin kohalikega väljas käima. Siinkandis mul ühtki rootslasest sõpra pole :D Kõik on kuskilt Afganistaanist, Iraagist, Kurdistaanist, Liibanonist... Teistsugused inimesed, põneva minevikuga.

Siirdume kohe siiani kõige põnevama osa juurde. Reede õhtu. Alguses ütles Rakan, et neil toimub mingi kräu, aga kogu see teema tundus poolkahtlane, seega otsisin endale teise variandi. Johanna ja Uppsala. Sättisin end valmis, tegin sprite pudelisse joogi kaasa, ja tuligi sms. Rakan, Shafiq ja Muji ootasid. Nende plaan oli järve äärde minna. Aga Ev otsustas, et valib Uppsala. Tüübid saatsid bussipeatusesse ja mu trip algas. Kohe, kui bussist välja sain, oli tunne õige. Olin või seeeees. Jummy, jummy, jummy I got love in my tummy. :D Läksime Johannaga kusagile Malmavägen'isse. Selge pilt, et seal ei oota mind midagi sellist, mis plaanis oli. 2:20 läks buss kesklinnast tagasi koju. Mõtlesin, et nii jõuan veel järveseltskonna ka üle tšekkida. Nii, istun mina (selline algus tähendab alati midagi põnevat, eks :D) bussijaamas ja külmetan. Möödujad vaatavad täpselt sellise näoga nagu mul oleks maas tagurpidi kübar ja hakkan kohe laulma vms. ENTERTAINING! Nii, siis möödub must tüüp, kes sõbralikult naeratab. Ohho, kohe minu lähedale istus. Natuke läheb aega mööda ”Am I disturbing u? I'm eating so loud.”. No ei häiri :D ”Come, sit here. Let's chat.”. Dav, mida muud ma ikka üksi tegema pidin eks. Imelik oleks olnud öelda ei ja siis sealsamas üksi edasi passinud. Rääkis, kuidas ta jupp aega mõtles, kuidas mu poole pöörduda ja siis tuli selle idee peale ja üritas nimme võimalikult kõva häält teha, et ma teda märkaks :D Ma olin ilmselt jälle oma mullis. Tüüp oli ülisõbralik ja tore. Afganistaanlane muide:D Tore, kas ma tutvun mõne rootslasega ka kunagi??? :D Kell oli juba nii palju, et mu buss oleks pidanud ammu kohal olema. Olin jäänud viimasest koju minevast bussist maha. Jessssss! Väike paanika. Johanna ja emme mayday, mayday!!! Kõndisin ühte bussipeatusesse, kust Johanna juurde pidi saama. Ühtki bussi enam ei sõitnud. Seisin seal mõnda aega. Mingi neiu vaatas minu poole ja naeratas. Jube tunne läks ära. Ma olen Uppsalas, rootsi keele ja rootslaste keskel. Sõbralikud näod ja abivalmid inimesed. Läksin järgmisesse peatusesse – ka sealt enam bussi ei sõitnud. Istusin peatuses ja mõtlesin, mis edasi saab. Johanna ütles, et ma tuleks taksoga, nad maksaks kinni, pole probleem. Tahan ikka ise hakkama saada. Kellele ikka meeldiks olla hädapätakas. Mõtlesin, et kuna järgmise bussini on kuskil 4 tundi, siis võiks selle aja ju Uppsalaga tutvuda. Jah, vastikult külm oli, aga kõndides hakkab ju soojem. Samal ajal, kui kõned tehtud ja mõtteid mõlgutasin pöördus minu poole üks noormees. Algul rootsi keeles nagu eelminegi. Pakkus, et võib mu eest taksosõidu maksta, et tal nagunii sama tee. WHAT?? Ma ei suutnud uskuda, et üks inimene võib nii hea olla. Olin nõus. Ta tuli maha samas kohas kus mina, sest taksojuht ei oskanud viia mind õigesse kohta ja mu maapealne ingel pakkus, et tuleb aitab mul üles leida kohta. Ma olin kõigega nõus no :D See oli uskumatu. Tavaliselt ma keeldun abist. Eestlane ju – me tahame ise hakkama saada. Ma tundsin koha ära, aga õige maja juurde minna ei osanud :D Tüüpiline Eveli. Kohe tuli Spliti eksirännakud meelde. Johanna tuli mulle vastu. Ütlesin inglile veelkord aitäh ja ütlesin tsau. Ja teate mis? TA ON ROOTSLANE. :D Päris täitsa rootslane :D
Kella kuue paiku üritasin taaskord bussile saada. 6:30 läks kesklinnast buss. Uurin ja puurin ja küsin ja pärin, et milline buss Sala poole sõidab. Keegi ei teadnud. Seisan ja näen – minu buss. Mu kollane 848 pani must tuimalt mööda. MIDA HEKKKKKKI??? ”Viimane kord, kui bussidega tegemist teen.” oli mul mõtteis. Mõtlesin juba jala minema hakata :D Koju oli umbes sama pikk maa, kui Võrust Tartusse. Kõndisin selles suunas, kuhu buss sõitis. Kuskil pidi ta ikka ju peatuse tegema. Mingi 100m eemal avastasin lõpuks õige bussipeatuse :D Jumala lambikohas. Järgmine buss läks tunni aja pärast. Passida ma ei viitsinud, seega läksin väiksele ringkäigule. Päike paistis ja mõnusalt soe oli. Linn oli põmst tühi. Sirelid õitsesid ja lõhnasid. Mmm. Istusin kuskile päikese kätte. Kui sa oled kuskil üksi ja keegi vastu tuleb ja sa talle otsa vaatad, siis on kindel, et sulle naeratatakse ja öeldakse ”Hei!”. Nii üks onuke tegigi. Kohe läks meel paremaks. Kuidas sa saad kurb olla, kui naeratavad näod mööda käivad. Vaatasin oma alksikoksi, mida ma polnud üldse joonud. See nägi üligrõuss välja. Mingid õli moodi laigud olid sees. Issand, mis saasta ma joonud oleks. Alguses nägi harašho välja. Väkk! Enivei, mu kolmas bussi peale saamise katsetus läks läbi. LÕPUKS! Mis oli esimene asi, mis sõbralik bussijuht ütles? Et tegelikult seisin ma veits vales kohas, aga ta sai aru, et tahan peale. Mul vedas :D Vihkan busse!!



Järgmine nädal on ukse ees ja see tuleb super super. Emmel on bussikaart, millega saab sõita ükskõik kuhu, ükskõik millal (Uppsala läni piires). See on minu jaoks nagu võlukaart :P Uppsala, sind kavatsen ma tundma õppida nagu oma viit sõrme! Ja parem oleks, kui sul mulle üks kena lõpukleit varuks on :D



Esmaspäev, 23. mai.

Sain kokku oma reedeõhtuse päästjaga. Näitas mulle Uppsalat. Ouhjeah! See linn on midagi minu jaoks. Kui oma selle rootslasega rääkisin, siis vahepeal hakkasin automaatselt eesti keeles vastu panema :D See juhtus alati siis, kui ma elevile läksin :D Mm, üks armupaarike vedeles pargis üksteise otsas. Hea, et riided seljas olid :D Hilja õhtul otsustasin, et jõuab veel midagi ette võtta ja koju sõitmise asemel, sõitsin mõned km-id edasi Hebysse Shafiquga kokku saama. Läksime Johanna juurde ja vaatasime ajakirjast naisi :D



Kolmapäev, 25. mai.

Sünnipäevafoobia. Ärkasin juba pool kuus, kuid üles ei julgenud tulla, sest emme ja Krista polnud veel tööle läinud :D Kui lõpuks ajasin end püsti, avastasin oma laualt vaasi hunniku punaste roosidega :) Minu ülesandeks jäi kook teha. Poes on enamus asjad ICA (mingi poekett?) omad ja tekstid rootsi keeles. Võtsin randomly midagi, mis osutuks sobivaks asjaks. Läksin kassa juurde, annan 20 kroonise, 2 ühekroonist münti ja 2 kümnesendist. Müüja annab paberraha tagasi. Ma jään suurte silmadega otsa vaatama. „ÜLETÖÖTANUD OLETE V?“ oli mul mõtteis. Müüja seletas, et seal oli vajalik summa olemas. Lõpuks sain aru, et 10-sendine oli hoopis 10-kroonine.

Another blank bage I filled

Eile sain kokku musta lihamäega, kelle aafrika aktsendi ja turbokiirusel rääkimise tõttu oli põhiline, mida mina ütlesid "Sorry, what did you say?" "Can you repeat?" "Whaaaaaaat?". Jah, häiriv. Alguses ma palusin, et ta kordaks, aga siis ma lihtsalt teesklesin aru saamist. Vaatasime filmi ja siis ta ütles midagi, mis kõlas nagu ta tahaks, et ma oma dressipluusi ära võtaks. Mu näoilme oli kindlasti priceless. Seal oli sitaks külm, ta hoidis rõduust lahti. Ta vist kannab aafrika päikest endas või midagi. Õnneks ta pakkus mulle hoopis suurt patja :D Vot nii segane oli ta jutt.
Bussipeatuses oli üks kodutu. Käi pekki, kuidas ma kartsin! Ma ei tahtnud ta poole vaadata, aga samas ma ei tahtnud teda silmast lasta, sest kui seljaga ta poole olin, siis kujutlesin, kuidas ta vaikselt ligi tuleb ja nuga annab. Super kujutlusvõime. Mul oli tast kahju. Väljas oli jääkülm. Jube mõelda, et mul on soe kodu, voodi, tekk, padi, aga tal need puuduvad. Oeh!

You are close to me
With me

Whenever I imagine you

You're close not far

You are made for me

Only me

I'm always lost in dreams of you

Lost for you

Isn't it so, when you think something will never happen, it eventually happens? I'm so gone right now. He got me gone. I don't want another short trip. I don't know how long this feeling I have will last. I don't even know what to call it. I was so sure, that it wasn't what I want. That sth else is meant for me. Somebody else. I had my plan... I trust destiny. It will led me to the road that is best for me. I'm happy. Even though things are complicated and difficult.. I just love the feeling I have now.
Natasha Bedingfield- Unwritten    I am unwritten. Life isn't a book. You'll never know, 'cause the rest is still unwritten :)

Estonia

I was making myself ready for going out to cinema on Saturday evening, when suddenly my dad send me a message. He wanted to talk with me in Skype. He needed me come to Estonia as soon as possible. So I fixed up with shipticket for Sunday and went to cinema. "Friends with benefits".. Weird funny movie. The end got corny and too cloying. Mila Kunis is sexy!

On the ship it got creepy. I didn't know what to expect. What will it be like to be back. All my friends are away. So I was a bit scared. Problems? Maybe. I didn't want to just sit in my cab, cause I would have fall asleep there or think bad thoughts and freak myself out for no reason. So I went to "cinema". The screen was quite small and movie("Super 8") was one of the lamest. Waste of time and money. After movie I found my friend. He was funny as hell. Alcohol isn't a good thing.. I hanged out with his friends. In karaoke-bar sang a finish guy a hilarious song. "Miesstrippaaja" ("Manstripper") oh shit!!!!!!! He sang it much much better. And the dance moves...
Last place we went was club. Noone danced there. Then the craziest guy went there and owned it :D Man, wish I had film that. He was loco!! Never seen anything like this. Everybody went to the dance floor and I followed them eventually. Hate club music! I can stand only few songs, but it really isn't the music that turns me on and makes me wanna move my body. Well, my company was good, so why not. Dancefloor is the best way to meet ppl. Turned out, that there was ppl from all over the world. Like it! My night ended chating with a guy who was from Switzerland(?). I was pretty sure he's gay. Good that I didn't ask, 'cause he wasn't. Would have been really akward. Sometimes it's good to talk with total strangers. Especially when u have same point of views.

I saw only 1 friend during my short time in Estonia and even that was accidentally. She almost started to cry when she saw me. Turns out that she's coming to Uppsala soon. I got sth to look forward to.
I saw the little girl I was babysitting when I lived in Estonia. I think she remembered me :) Now she talks a bit and understands much more.


Now I'm back and enjoying the last day, 'cause it's the end of the world after all. At least that's what Harold Campingi saied. He knows the best for sure. 200 million christians go to heaven and others gonna suffer here on earth or sth. Seriously? Like those who don't believe, are all bad ppl? And what the hell.. "The end of the world". BULLSHIT! Ok, some ppl think that the world is gonna end. Think whatever u want, but please shut ur mouth and keep ur stupid thoughts to urself. Some may believe what those ppl say and do sth bad. No worries, my friends. Cheers to the fucking end! See ya tomorrow!

Still waiting that happen. 1h and 43min left :D

Songs for today: Jah Cure- Never find and P Square- No one like you

I met a friend when I was going on a bus in the morning. She told me some things that opened my mind. I got so many good things around me. Just gotta let go of things that aren't worth holding on to. Everything falls in the right place. I'm blessed. Sometimes I wish I was a believer, so I could thank somebody for the luck. I'm so grateful! The best thing is that I'm finally happy about myself. How I look, how I act.. nothing bothers me. I am who I am and I feel that I'm good.

Every now and then I think about what could I wish for. I'd like to have better voice and dancing skills. Then I thought, what if really had it? Have you seen the movie "Bedazzled" where guy gets 10 wishes and after every wish, something else goes wrong. He likes a girl. He wishes to be handsome, successive, funny.. everything to impress the girl. What he gets? The girl really likes him, but then it turns out that he's gay. He wishes to be more sensitive and what he gets? He's so sensitive that the girl can't handle it and she goes away with a crook. He wants to be a famous basketballer and boom, he's awesome player but he's manly honour was too tiny to do things... You can't be perfect. Fuck perfection! So, if I'd really had fierce singing and dancing skills, I wouldn't have some other quality I have now.

Tears on ma pillow 'cause your love is wicked
Cry me a river 'cause your love is wicked

Life, u're so damn wicked!

When I want to stay away from guys, they keep coming around. It's getting really weird. I gotta stay stick to my plan and do my thing, but I'm a friking human! I don't wanna hurt nobody, but I know, that if I settle down now or sth, I will. I got my plan. I got my dreams. I gotta do some things alone first. I gotta be by myself. But that damn life just sends guys on my way. I'm not a player and I will never be one. If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off, right? Actually it's not sucking that bad. And I won't slip off my road. Yesterday night I felt like shit! I wasn't planing to do a suicide, I appreciate life too much, but I still felt really bad. Self destruction, baby! Now it's the perfect time to be sick. Would be awesome to have high fever. I'm jealous of my lil bro. He's been sick for 3 days now. Gosh, he's cute, when he's sick. Other times too, but now he is especially adoreable. Anyway in the morning I had the same shitty feeling. Then Hoda (sweet arabic woman from my school) asked how I'm doing and huged me, when I said that not good. We went to bowling with school. Another sweet girl talked with me. Snoopy, from Thailand. Snoopy wanted to play with me. I'm not ignored, for sure :) Ppl should stop saying shit about SFI (the school I'm going in). The pupil are nice, teachers are friendly. Becides I'm actually learning there sth! I really don't like when ppl make fun of it. They don't really know how is it here. Like they're really learning more in their school. Bullshit! I love SFI, so whatever others say.


Everyday is a constant battle between what's wrong and right. I just wanna live my life.


After school I couldn't feel any better. The stupid smile on my face just didn't go away. I rememered that I'm actually doing good. Ppl like me, I like them. Warm smiling faces is the best cure. I break easily, but I also heal easily. Don't need much. I got it good, for now..

One more thing. I got pretty high self-respect (not good). Maybe that's why I have high expectations on ppl. But come on! Don't expect to get all of me, when u're not giving back much. Don't wanna care about ppl, who doesn't care that much about me, 'cause when I give, I give all. Just trying to stay away from getting hurt.

Feel down

I so don't like guys who only talk about sex and how good I look in a very cheap way. It's really not working. I'm not just a peace of meat, dude. And I despise stupid guys. What else I don't like? Expecting too much from some ppl. The bad part is when they aren't up to my expectations, when they don't care enough even though they should... I wan't all or nothing. Ignorance is the worse! Eventually I stop expecting and hoping. I back off. Sooner or later I'll get over the disappointment by stop caring about the person so much. I won't feel bad anymore, but I won't also ever forget the shitty feeling. So don't suppose to get my everything, when you're giving less. What you give is what you get.

I'm used to look back on good memories or fantasize and daydream when I'm in bed. It keeps me happy. I woke up crazy early today. My free morning and I'm up about 6am. I din't want to get up, so I just laied there. A lot of time for thinking. I suddenly remembered how I slept over somewhere with Cherry. The house was pretty big and the basement was „a mysterious place“ where we weren't allowed to go. We were laying on the bed under the blanket, chatting and all. Then we started to talk about scary stuff. It was dark and painfully quiet. Oh shit, how scared we were. Stupid, I know. Anyway we fall asleep, holding each other's hands. When I woke up, we were still holding hands. Man, I miss my girls! Sleepovers and stuff. Hope you know that I love you.

After rememorizing it, I started to think about other cute things. The more I thought, the better I felt. I'm alive! 

Everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for. Life is too short to waste it on people who don't care about you.

Inspiration

"I had this disease called addiction. The shame and the guilt just got to me. This just totally broke me. There is always a chance and there is always a choice. Instead of doing nothing with myself I want my son to see me singing on stages 'cause life is too precious to waste." // Chris Rene

Chris Rene inspires me. He's audition in X Factor USA 2011 was amazing. How the crowd was cheering. I know it meant alot to him to be liked, to be admired. I believe, he can stay away from drugs. U just gotta believe...
Man chooses his own road. At least I feel I'm on right way. Thinking about future makes me so happy. I got a plan and I ain't gonna stop till I get to my destination.

If the door doesn't open, don't wait, use force to knock it down.

Talking swedish makes me glad, 'cause just the fact I can do it after only one and a half month, is awesome! I ain't surely waisting my precious life. Wonderful, how fast I'm moving closer to my goals. I wanna be proud of myself and right now I sure am.




Oh, and by the way, a women asked how to get to the library. Obviously she noticed that I'm not swedish. "Where are u from?". "I'm from Estonia.", "Oh, I thought that from Iceland.". U GOT TO BE KIDDING! I think I should learn about Iceland...

Jah Cure - You deserve the best

I'm doing good in swedish. Only 1 chapter left. Then comes the second book and woorkbook and then IT'S OVER. I'm in halfawy soon.
We were talking about our homelands one day. One girl from Afganistan asked, what language we speak in Estonia. When I answered that estonian, she said "I thought that english.". Then yesterday a girl came to me and asked where am I from. She thought that I'm from UK. Then many times when I had to say where I'm from, ppl have hurd "Iceland" (in swedish Estonia is Estland and Iceland is Island, guess it sounds similar). Other thing that I had to explain is that Estonia is more like Skandinavian countries, not like Russia, Latvia and Lithuania, even though we share landborder(is it a word?) with fist 2 countries.

I'm good in paint :D

Oh school!! Today we were talking about a persian restaurant. A guy told about different foods that was offered there. He didn't know one name of a food in swedish AND OH MY GOSH, u should have seen, how everybody tryed to explain it with their hands. All others exept me and teacher understanded, what food he meant. If I didn't knew that they are talking about a food, I would have guessed that the word they are explaining is "wanking". It was fucking weird to see all class doing weird moves with hands. Laughed myself under the table.
"Du kan om du vill" ("U can, if u want") is a sentece that I hear pretty much every school-day. No pressure. That I really like. I'm gonna do all exercises teachers give me anyway, but it's still good, that they add that sentence "Du kan om du vill". And they always praise us. Jag kan snacka lite svenska redan :) Men jag vill bli bättre. Mycket bättre! Wanna learn some swedish? One cool sentence is "Har du en hund, katten?". It means "Have u a boyfriend, pretty girl?". When I translate it directly, it's "Do you have a dog, pussycat?" :D I really love swedish!


Family dinners drives me crazy! All I can hear is "This is so good and light. Not much fat in it. It's so light!" blablabla. I really don't care that much. I'm not eating junk, so.. What life it is, when u can't even eat normally? Besides, u gotta have some fat on u. Skinni asses aint that pretty. Eat, train and enjoy the life, for god sake. Not eating makes ppl angry. No food can make u fat if u don't eat it too much. Seriously! Eating alone is boring, but those twisted minds.. Crazy food obsession. I don't wanna feel bad when I eat spagetties with bolognese sauce and salad and in the meanwhile eat em grass :D I enjoy the food, they enjoy the lightness. I like my baseball-size bootie :D Yes, I learnd to like myself. Do so too. It's embarrassing, but once I started to cry, when I looked myself in the mirror. WEIRDOOOO! These days are ovaa! I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause God makes no mistakes (I'm not a believer, but still I WAS BORN THIS WAY!).


"Once u go black, there's no turning back." Daddy, if u'd only knew how much I love chocolate :D Now please don't take it wrong, ok? I googled that saying and I saw an explanation from a presumable racist. He/she said "Because once u go black, we don't want u back.". I actually laughed. There are 2 opportunities how stupid things make me act: I'll be angry or I'll laugh about it. "See when whites came to the black areas..blacks weren't forced to accept them..they just did."... And I accept all coulours :)

We're all the same colour when u turn off the lights

I feel much better. He did the right thing and I'm glad even though I'll miss him as hell!! Everything doesn't have to be perfect. To be honest, I think the bad things may not be that bad at all. Eventually it could be even a good thing. The distance doesn't matter. The difficulties doesn't matter. And becides, I'm never alone even when sometimes feels like I am. I have my ppl. Not all the time, but still. I'll never loose my homies. That reminds me CHERRY, GOOD LUCK IN UK! U're crazy, and I love that. And all others: I'm not the type who forgets :)

Give me one good reason I shouldn't be here this evening rubing and squeezing ur troubles away.

Twisted fiction. Sick addiction.

Halfway into destruction
But it's not too late
Too late to make a change

Hate to see someone I care about burning his/her life. Shit, can't u see u got the goods to rock it? Everybody choose their own road, but fuck, try to choose carefully, ok?

See I just want you to know

That you deserve the best

You’re beautiful

You’re beautiful

And I want you to know, 

you’re far from the usual

Far from the usual

I lost him. Can't believe it's really happening. I got used to, that he's always around. I got used to hanging in his place and just killing time. I didn't ever think that I'd be so sad after it stops. No I don't have anybody here anymore. Again. It's unbearable, fucking painful.

Well, I have my sis. She's great! Yesterday night I begd her to be and talk with me. Can't be alone. It drives me crazy.

One more thing. I love black. I'm obsessed. I love their music, I love how they look, how they dance and how they act. Chocolate children :)

Living in your shadow

But yet the sun won't shine your way

My beautiful colourful world

"Mmmm!" kirjeldab mu eelmist nädalavahetust. Meeleolu saamiseks kuulake Vybz Karteli (parimad "Yuh love", "Half on a baby" , "Dedication" ja "Warn him" ) ja Jah Vincit (mu lemmik "Wicked heart" ja "Please don't cry" on ka hea).
Laupäeval sain Salas kokku Chrisiga. Mitu päeva polnud näinud teda. Kui ta mind kallistas veitsa kauem kui vaja, siis üks vanatädi vaatas täpselt siukse näoga: "Oh, kui ilus see armastus ikka on.". Armastus my ass! Läksime suht vastu mu tahtmist minu poole. Emme oli kartulitanguputru teinud. Mul oli hea meel, et saan talle midagi eestipärast pakkuda. Aga see mulle meelde ei tulnud, et ta sealiha ei söö. Usu vastu. Aafriklane, moslem, rastafaarian? Kes sa oled, sõber? Everliving, everfaithful, eversure. Whoever you are, you're wonderful! Igatahes oli tal plaan Uppsalasse minna ja mind kaasa võtta. Mina tahtsin oma õde ka. Läksimegi kolmekesi nagu präänikud Uppsala nö gettosse Gottsundasse. Korterichill. 6-7 tüüpi, kõik šokolaadid, 7 tüdrukut, kellest 5 valget ja 2 šokolaadi. Ma pole elusees nii paljude mustanahalistega ühes ruumis olnud. Ja teate mis? Nad on vapustavad! Üli sõbralikud ja toredad. Mingit effing sebimist ei toimunud. Keegi ei keeletanud kuskil nurgas, keegi ei amelenud. Kõik lihtsalt nautisid muusikat ja seltskonda. Need tüdrukud olid ka no oumaigosh kui toredad. Ma võtaks kõik head sõnad, mida ma tean ja paneks need kõigis keeltes, mida oskan, kokku. Nii hea oligi. Ma arvan, et ma ei suuda kunagi enam klubi nautida. Vybz Kartel, Jah Vinci ja kes iganes veel AITÄH, ET TE OLEMAS OLETE! See muusika omab mind. Mulle pole mitte kunagi niimoodi tantsida meeldinud. Ou shit, kui mõnusalt mustanahalised liiguvad! Nii palju oli, mida nautida. See nädalavahetus oli sama. No peaaegu. Seekord sain veel ühe oma naiska kaasa. Nimelt Anxu. Kunagi ma võib-olla räägin, kui imeline ta on. Eestlane muide. Nii, selle nädalavahetuse chill. Üks uus mustanahaline tüdruk oli. Tal oli nii vinge attitude. Ja kui kuum ta oli. Teine šoksipliks oli ka püss ja väga tore. Kui sõbra mõttes on ka võimalik armuda, siis ma olen ikka väga sees omadega :D Mulle meeldis taaskord. Anx ütles, et parim reede ta elus.

I love colours! Täna koolis tulid haiged tuurid peale. Kõigepealt vaatasin tai naiste nahavärvi, siis pärslaste, siis lõpuks arvuti taga istudes nägin teisel pool mustanahalist ja mu pilk oli naelutatud. Lihtsalt niiiiiii ilus! Siis päeva lõpu poole nägin, et Fru, mu Kameruni naine, oli oma pisikese lapsega puhkeruumis. "Can I look?". OMFG, kui armas pisike poiss! Ma ei saa vist jupp aega üle. Õnneks elavad nad minuga samas kohas.

Kahjuks pole kõik siiski hea. Ma kaotan oma sõbra ühel väga haigel moel. Ta lihtsalt läheb ja kaob varsti. Ma ei taha! Mine pekki, juba kisub vesiseks. Ta peab, kuigi ka tema tahaks jääda. Suures osas minu pärast. Aga ta siiski läheb. Kaugele. Ma ei tea, kas ma temaga ühendustki saan. Sick situation! Ma ei taha, et ta kaotaks end. His way is a tricky way. Hard to stay good, hard to stay on the road. Öäõü, please please please don't waste ur potential, ur life. Olgu, mis on, ma usun endiselt saatusesse. Läheb nii nagu on parem.. Mul on tunne, et ta peabki, must eemale minema. Palju oksi on sellel puul. Nii palju nüansse, nii palju, millest pean vaikima.

Viimane laulusoovitus: Jah Cure (feat. MDMA & Keri Hilson) - World Cry . See on superhea! 

Jag har det bra!

"What now?"
"Killing."
Täna oli mu 11s tai poksi trenn. Ma arenen! Oii, kuidas mulle meeldib, kui Chawan (mu treener) ütleb teistele "She's good! She hits hard." jms. Juba päris mitu trenni olen sparringut teinud. Põmst iga kord, kui löök tuleb, panen ma silmad kinni. Tuleb sellest lahti saada. Ja jalg ei tõuse ka piisavalt kõrgele, kui löön. Põlve löögid on kõige cheekymad. Ma ei taha neid väga teha. Täna sparringu ajal ütlesin, et kingin neile jõuludeks kubemekaitsmed. Mõne aja pärast see juhtuski.. minu esimene jackpot otse kümnesse. AIA! Ma olevat aint riivanud, kuid näoilme reetis piinu. Trennikaaslased on ka super! Millalgi alguse poole uurisid nad, kuidas mulle siin meeldib. Väga meeldib, aga sõpradest tunnen puudust. Siin pole mul ühtegi sellist head sõpra (mitte, et need, kes on, on halvemad, vaid lihtsalt mitte nii lähedased). Üleelmises trennis ütles Patrik (trennikaaslane):"You don't need to go back. You got us now.". Jep, that I do. Mu poksi-perekond.


Keeleõpe läheb ladusalt. Kõik senini tehtud testid on läinud väga hästi. Kolmapäeval teen juba 2 testi. Igaüks saab oma tempo valida. Kolmapäev on muidu testipäev, aga kui tunned, et pole selge, siis ei pea tegema. Ma olen algajate grupist jõudnud järgmisele tasemele. Seal on raskem ja see ongi hea. Tahan keele võimalikult kiiresti selgeks saada. Aa, muide, kool on tasuta. Õpikud, töövihikud, paberid mida koguaeg jagatakse.. kõik tasuta. Kui ma juba enam-vähem rääkida oskan, antakse mulle praktikakoht kuskil. Oii, kuidas ma tahaks tööle minna! Mulle ei meeldi, et mul on nii palju vaba aega. Tahaks hästi palju tegevust. Juba selle nimel, et võimalikult kiiresti tööle saada, pingutan õppimisega kõvasti. Mulle meeldib see süsteem keele õppimisel, mida me kasutame. Kuulamine, kirjutamine, rääkimine, lugemine. Iga kord töötame arvutis mõnda aega. Teeme seal teste ja kuulame hääldust. Aeg ajalt tulevad õpetajad rääkima, et kuidas läheb ja nii. Rootsi keeles of course. Siin on õpetajad kõik väga toredad ja rõõmsad koguaeg. Ja õpilased.. shit, ma olen keset kultuuride ühepajatoitu. Kameruni tüdruk rääkis, et neil on ainult 2 aastaaega: suvi ja kevad. Ja Kamerunis võivad alkot ja suitsu osta ja tarbida/teha kõik, olenemata vanusest. Hämmastav. Ja lapsed alustavad õppimist juba väga noorelt (kuskil 3 aastasena). Mul on sõber, kes on pärit Kongost. Ta on 17 ja räägib inglise, prantsuse, saksa, rootsi ja mis iganes keelt veel ja ta on üleüldse hämmastavalt tark oma vanuse kohta. Aafrika no. Nii palju siis sellest rumalast imagest, et Aafrikas on aint nälg, vaesus ja hariduseta inimesed.


Vahepeal oli Kulturnatten Uppsalas. Erik oli ka sellel ajal siin tennisevõistlustel. Alguses läksingi temaga linna peale tšekkima, mis toimub. Nägime ühte kutti välikohvikus istumas, kitarri mängimas ja laulmas. Ma armusin ära :D Kesklinnas käis õige möll. Väga palju inimesi, erinevad konterdikohad ja muud. Mõnus. Erik läks oma hotelli ja jäi sinna. Siis sain Anxuga kokku. 2 japsi kõndisid mööda ja jäid vahtima. Inimesi oli nii palju, et ma ei pannud neid tähelegi, aga Anx pani. Tahtis nendega juttu ajada. Viimanegi jutuajamisisu nendega kadus, kui üks japsi tüüp terekäe ulatas ja mu kätt hoidma jäi. Siis märkas Anx kutti, kes tema sõnul nägi välja nagu Lil Wayne. Ta oli koos veel paari mustanahalisega. Anx tahtis, et ma hakkaks rääkima nendega. Imelik oli. Oleks enne nende silmi näinud, oleks taibanud, et nad on väga pilves. Eriti Lil Wayne. Varsti nägime tuttavat nägu. Muji! Mul on alati hea meel teda näha. Mõni teine tuttav oli veel koos temaga. Me Anxuga liikusime oma teed. Centralstationis oli araablaste pidu. Araabia muusika pole just paitus mu kõrvadele. Anx tahtis tantsida. Ma olin nõus, aga aint nii, et ma panen kõrvaklapid pähe ja kuulan oma mussi. Ja nii see hakkas. Pole elusees nii vabalt tundnud ja tänaval tantsinud. Ma ei oska tantsida, aga mul oli ükskõik. Nautisin. Inimesed kõndisid mööda, jõllitasid, aga mul oli hea. Anx küsis luba filmida mind. Mul on jumal teab, kui kaua olnud kaamerahirm. Ei mingit pildistamist ega filmimist. Aint ise omaette v õega vms. Aga seekord.. Ei ole mõttet karta. Kaua mul on need kompleksid. Endaga tuleb rahul olla. Nii, et sellest on video ka :D See, mis edasi toimus oli täielik turn off. Tuju langes..


Pühapäeval käisin oma shokolaadi-sõbra juures. Viimase bussiga pidin koju minema. Ootasin ja ootasin. Suht haige on keset eikellegimaad pimeduses tee ääres bussi oodata, kui autod ja suuremad tegelased täiskiirusel suht mööda sõidavad. Kõhe! Pärast pooletunnist ootamist otsustasin hakata hääletama. Sõber tahtis, et ma tema juurde jääks, kui bussi ei tulegi, aga ega ma mingi pussy pole. Kui mul on plaan koju minna, siis koju ma ka jõuan. Ma teadsin, et öösel hääletamine on riskantne. Eestis hääletasin väga palju, aga mitte kunagi öösel. Ma teadsin ka seda, et Rootsis on vähem võimalust peale saaa, sest siin lihtsalt ei hääletata. Aga peale ma sain. 2 araabia noort meest, kellest 1 oskas inglise keelt ja seda ka hullemini, kui ma rootsi keelt oskan. Ma natuke kartsin (no, mis mulje teil araablastest jäänud on? eriti meestest?), aga hea meel võimaliku koju saamise pärast oli suurem. Nad olid toredad. Paar hetke olid siuksed, et "oumaigaad, mind müüakse matrjoškaks". Ükskord kui juht tahavaatepeeglist otse mu silma sisse vaatas ja teine siis, kui nad omavahel araabia keeles tõsiste nägudega rääkisid (kõlas nagu ärijutt "viime ta nüüd sinna metsa sisse oma punkrisse...jnejne"). Aga ei. Koju ma sain. Jahe septembrikuu öö. Üksik tüdruk eikuskit bussipeatuses hääletamas. Kui rootslane sõitis must tuimalt mööda, siis araablane pidas kinni ja viis mu koju. Persse see eelarvamus!


Ja, jag har det jette bra. Peaaegu. Vahepeal on raske end koos hoida. Ma tahan nii väga õiget asja ajada, olla hea, aga alati ei tule välja. And then there are those people who's trying to bring me down. Ta arvab, et ma ei peaks siin olema. Et mul pole õigust. Et ma olen täisealine ja peaks tööl käima. The pressure. Töökoht ei kuku lihtsalt sülle ju. Ma pean keelt oskama kõigepealt. Ta on õel. Nii õel. Aga ma armastan teda ja tahan temaga hästi läbi saada. Vahepeal saamegi, kuid siis.. Tal on vaja abi, ausalt. Ükskord hoidis ta end 3 ööpäeva üleval jumal teab, mis eesmärgil. Ta ei mõtle absoluutselt tulevikule. Enamus ajast veedab arvuti taga. Ja see õelus ja kadedus... Kuskil kuu aega tagasi olin ma tema pärast väga liimist lahti. Nutsin, kui kedagi nägemas polnud. Hoidsin omaette. Ei rääkinud kellegagi. Mulle on nii lihtne haiget teha. Eriti siis, kui mul pole kedagi toeks. Kõik liiguvad oma eluga edasi. Kõik mu sõbrad. Kellelgi pole aega. Kedagi ei huvita. Rääkisin ühe hea sõbrannaga. Kohe oli aru saada, et teda väga ei huvita, kuidas mul läheb, vaid pigem tahtis oma asjadest rääkida. See teeb haiget. Mis seal ikka. Varsti on parem. "You don't need to go back. You got us now.". Eks ma hoian kinni inimestest, kes minust kinni hoiavad. Lihtsalt väga masendav on tõdeda, et mind pole vaja nendele, kes alles mõni aeg tagasi olime väga lähedased. Ma pean tundma end vajalikuna, vajatuna, et mitte laguneda. Ja mul on tõesti vaja vahepeal rääkida, nõu küsida. Kas on keegi, kes üldse huvitub? :/ Mu emopüss hakkas hala tulistama ilmselgelt. Aitab. Ma vihkan enesehaletsust. Ma saan hakkama. Jag har det bra.


Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.



My favorite song at the time Vybz Kartel - Warn Him (click on the song to listen).

Yesterday was my 7th thai boxing training. My trainer is actually from Thailand and the trainings are in endlish (win win win). Becides me and trainer are there 4 other guys. Even though I suck as hell, even though I got pathetic kick, even though I get hurt every time, I LOVE IT! The most paniful part is kicking boxing bag with legs. It's so damn hard and I don't know yet how to kick right. But I keep trying and hoping that this time I'll score. One day I'll be very good in it. Yesterday I fighted wiht others. It was my first time. I suck in fighting. Today I'm all blue.. OUTSIDE. Bruises all over me. I look like I got problems in my family.... :D

I need a real friend. Not to complain about my life and whine (everything is fine with me). I wanna just hang out, talk, do something fun every day. It's pretty hard to find a friend like that. "Hey! How are you? Bye!" isn't enough. Male persons, who want's to be with me, are interested in another way.. I like a guy in a non-romantic way. I like to hang out with him. I like his company. Everything is just fine, but then he fucking needs to get physical. Hate that! I'm not looking for a relationship. Another thing I don't like are cheap sloppy lines as "You're so beautiful.", "I'd give anything for you.", "Your eyes are like ocean and I feel like I'm drowning when I look in them.". The sucking part is when it's said many many times. One-two times are okay.. Is it really neccessary to say thousand times that you're intrested in my appearance? Isn't there something else to talk about? Is the look only thing I got? "You're gorgeous!" and I'm like what the hell I'm supposed to say? Thank you? Outside I'm ordinary. "You don't see yourself as I see you.". I've seen myself more than you have. I just wanna have good time not to hear about my appearance. I am what I am. I miss my friends in Estonia so so much. :/ The guys there didn't try to hit on or something. Only friendship and that was great, even though sometimes I wanted more. I got used to it and now it's weird to have another kind of attention that much.

It's painful to have a broken heart, but it's also painful to brake someone elses. To see the pain in their eyes. You wish you could feel the same, you even try to feel the same. You're the only thing that makes him feel good and stay away from bad things. You hope that he stops having those feelings. Only time can help...



There is a great thing too. My estonian friend has a competiton in Uppsala. I'm so excited to see him finally! So glad that I can be with a person who I have known in a longer time and with who I can speak my language. Wonderful!

Svenska flicka

Üleeelmises postituses rääkisin, et mul oli unes 2 väikest tütart, nüüd üks sõps nägi unes, et meil oli 2 eksootilise välimusega nunnut tütart. Kas see on märk? Tuleb hakata tüdruku nimede peale mõtlema :D





Neljapäeval algas kool. Ma käin Hebys(väike linn, mu kodust kuskil 5 km kaugusel) SFI's, mis ongi mõeldud Rootsi sissetulnudtele rootsi keele õppimiseks. Minu rühmas on ainult 1 mees, Remku, kes on pärit Hollandist. Siis on Marjam Afganistaanist, Fru Kamerunist, Özlem Türgist, Halima Palestiinast, Ella Poolast ja üks tailanna, kelle nime ma ei tea. See tailanna on NIIIIIIIII ILUS! Täiesti haige. Üldse kõik tailannad, keda ma kohanud olen, on ilusad. Ella.. oleks ta selline nagu meie Ella, oleks ma võisees, aga ta pole. Ta on lihtsalt väga poolane. Halima on nunnu vanaemake, kes oskab inglise keelt. Respekt! Vahetundide ajal käivad noored palestiinlased teda aitamas ja seda on tohutult nunnu vaadata. Need pealaest jalatallani kinni riietatud tegelased on nii kokkuhoidvad. Halimal on raske harjuda vasakult paremale kirjutamisega. Ma ei oskaks ka ühtäkki hakata vastupidises suunas kirjutama. Esimesel päeval pidime kaardil näitame, kust me tuleme. Özlem läks kaardi juurde ja otsis 10 minutit oma endist kodu. Lõpuks õpetaja palus tal tagasi lauada istuda. Sellel naisel pole vist palju kokkupuuteid kaardiga olnud. Aga ta on tore. Ta kaksikõde, kes käib edasijõudnute rühmas, on ka äge. Fru on mõnus šhokolaadinaine, kellel käib tere juurde alati ka sõbralik naeratus. Marjam on ainus meie rühmast, kes on minust noorem. Ta on 18 aastane, habras ja kleenuke neiu, kes on hästi tagasihoidlik. Ta on nii tohutult nunnu oma tagasihoidlikusega. Remku, ainuke mees, on mu lemmik. Temaga ma põhiliselt räägingi. See hollandlane on alati nii energiline ja rõõmus. Ta on nagu mu issi vanuse ja iseloomu poolest. Minu pinginaaber :D Reedel mängisime päeva lõpu poole mingit rootslaste lemmikut seltskonnamängu. Käi ära, kui äge see oli. Kui Eestisse tulen, siis õpetan!

Reedel pärast kooli sain oma karvaste ja sulelistega kokku. Jälle paar uut tutvust. Üks ülimõnusa välimusega šhokolaadipoiss, kes räägib kuskil seitset võõrkeelt. Impressing! Ta oli kuradi enesekindel. Algus oli hea, aga lõpu poole mängis ta oma žansid maha, kui kekutas sellega, mis tal püksis on. Rääkis, et käis Lätis ja Eestis millalgi ja seal läks ta naistele peale oma nahatooni ja kuulujuttude pärast neegrimeestele omapärase keskmisest suurema spermatootja tõttu. Siinkohal tuleb mulle meelde lõik filmist, kus psühholoog üritas ühele mehele, kes kurtis oma enda arvates väikese meheuhkuse pärast, aru pähe panna. Ta võttis tossu "This is never gonna fit here".... Gosh, no tõesti. Suur türa ja suured rinnad võivad pornotööstusesse sobida, aga no olgem mõistlikud. "21st century sex" - vaadake ja harige end selles osas.

Mõni tund hiljem tšekkisin üle ühte treeningut, millest ma juba esmaspäeval ise osa võtan. Eks pärast esimest trenni räägin sellest. Igatahes olen nii elevil. Täpselt see, mida ma tahan :) Inimesed, treener, suhtumine... Perfecto!


Natuke youtube'i ka.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j54SZtIoccs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSEALUxjwr4

Stockholm Gay Pride

Pikk vahe. Jaa! Mul on tänasest veel emotsioonid laes, seega asun kohe selle kallale. Triin tahtis juba pikemat aega Stockholmi Gay Pride'le minna. Ajasime seda asja nii, et higi otsaees, aga pekki jooksis kogu meie planeerimine. Jäi siis nii, et ei hakkakgi minema. Eile õhtul istusime koos nagu 2 kanaema ja mõtlesime, et aitab munade haudumisest. Saagu, mis saab, mitteheterosid peab minema tšekkima. Läksime suht hilja magama teadmata, mis homsest saab. Hommikul vara tuli Triin lausa kilgates mu tuppa. Imede ime, et tšikk sellisel ajal juba nii elurõõmus on, kui ta on harjunud tõusma alles pärastlõunal. Paraadile minek! Bussiga Uppsalasse. Olemas. Nüüd esimene rongikogemus Rootsis. Oijeeeeeeeerum. Sada korda leidsime õige terminali oma jõududega üles. Õnneks mulle meeldib väga teed küsida. Ja kellelt ma küsisin? 2 kutti, avara dekolteega pluusidega, pitsaste pükste, päevitunud naha ja üleüldse perfectse välimusega. Ma ei saanud sinna midagi parata, et ma neid vestluse ajal tohutult jõllitasin. Come on, puuderdatud näoga meest ei näe iga päev. Ja mina nägin lausa kahte korraga. Kanni, kui ideaalsed pealaest jalatallani. Jeps, kohe kindlasti mitte straight-guys. Ja selle tüübi hääl, kes mulle teed juhatas. Mitte siuke plikalik, vaid.. mmmmmmmh, pehme ja ülimõnus. Ja nad olid sõbralikud. Ja mina särasin nagu idioot neile vastu. Saime teada, mis terminal oli. Varsagod! Stock'i rongijaam. Orienteerumismängud. Hea, et sealt üldse välja saime :D Muidugi suutsime leida üles 2 eestlast. Meid on ikka igale poole saanud :) Stock on kuradi suur! Aga 2 prod nagu me Triinuga oleme, leidsime kuuma kohe kiirelt üles. RONGKÄIK! Jesjesjo! Pildid ja videod tulevad hiljem facebooki, aga emotsioonid saate kohe :D Mu kriips oli kõrvuni terve aja. SELLINE RAHVAS! Uhh! Üks rongkäigu kuum naine vaatas otsa, tegi silma ja siis midagi vulgaarset.. aga mine pekki, see ei tundunud üldse pervertne. Oleks mees nii teinud, oleks ta kohe molli saanud ilmselt. Oii, millised minnud mehed seal olid!! Ja kuidas nad kingadega kõndisid. Haha! Olin ekstaasis. Pärast rongkäiku istusime jalga puhkama oma uue lemmikkuju - hiigeldildot meenutava juraka lähedale. Selle all oli vägev purskaev. Kogu teema nägi veider välja. Meie lähedale istusid 3 geyd. Üks oli siuke puuderdatud ja värki. Vaatas end klaasseina peegeldusest ja tegi "olen kuum" nägu.. u know - huuled prunti ja nii.. Pärast neid kalpsas me juurde järgmine. "Can I join u?". Vähe siis ei või! Sitaks äge tüüp oli. Lokkidega ja siuke nunnu. Võttis oma pooltühja Veenuse-nimelise veini välja ja pakkus meilegi. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii huvitav inimene. "Do you like Rihanna? Ok, then I'll sing u one of her songs a little.". Siristas "Only girl"-i oma superhäälega ja vaatas sealjuures mulle nunnult otsa. Jeppppppiiii, jälle tekkis isu ühe gey-sõbra järele. Natsa aja pärast saime kokku Triinu uue lesbi-sõbrannaga. Järjekorde äge inimene!
Teate, kahte tüüpi suudlemas näha pole üldse rõve. Tee mis tahad, aga mina nautisin vaatepilti :D
Tänase päeva hea mõju on see, et meesteisu kadus ära :D Iial ei või päris kindel olla oma orientatsioonis :D:D Nali naljaks, kusi kaljaks. Mitte-heterod on vinged!

Head öö!