Life, u're so damn wicked!

When I want to stay away from guys, they keep coming around. It's getting really weird. I gotta stay stick to my plan and do my thing, but I'm a friking human! I don't wanna hurt nobody, but I know, that if I settle down now or sth, I will. I got my plan. I got my dreams. I gotta do some things alone first. I gotta be by myself. But that damn life just sends guys on my way. I'm not a player and I will never be one. If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off, right? Actually it's not sucking that bad. And I won't slip off my road. Yesterday night I felt like shit! I wasn't planing to do a suicide, I appreciate life too much, but I still felt really bad. Self destruction, baby! Now it's the perfect time to be sick. Would be awesome to have high fever. I'm jealous of my lil bro. He's been sick for 3 days now. Gosh, he's cute, when he's sick. Other times too, but now he is especially adoreable. Anyway in the morning I had the same shitty feeling. Then Hoda (sweet arabic woman from my school) asked how I'm doing and huged me, when I said that not good. We went to bowling with school. Another sweet girl talked with me. Snoopy, from Thailand. Snoopy wanted to play with me. I'm not ignored, for sure :) Ppl should stop saying shit about SFI (the school I'm going in). The pupil are nice, teachers are friendly. Becides I'm actually learning there sth! I really don't like when ppl make fun of it. They don't really know how is it here. Like they're really learning more in their school. Bullshit! I love SFI, so whatever others say.


Everyday is a constant battle between what's wrong and right. I just wanna live my life.


After school I couldn't feel any better. The stupid smile on my face just didn't go away. I rememered that I'm actually doing good. Ppl like me, I like them. Warm smiling faces is the best cure. I break easily, but I also heal easily. Don't need much. I got it good, for now..

One more thing. I got pretty high self-respect (not good). Maybe that's why I have high expectations on ppl. But come on! Don't expect to get all of me, when u're not giving back much. Don't wanna care about ppl, who doesn't care that much about me, 'cause when I give, I give all. Just trying to stay away from getting hurt.