My favorite song at the time Vybz Kartel - Warn Him (click on the song to listen).

Yesterday was my 7th thai boxing training. My trainer is actually from Thailand and the trainings are in endlish (win win win). Becides me and trainer are there 4 other guys. Even though I suck as hell, even though I got pathetic kick, even though I get hurt every time, I LOVE IT! The most paniful part is kicking boxing bag with legs. It's so damn hard and I don't know yet how to kick right. But I keep trying and hoping that this time I'll score. One day I'll be very good in it. Yesterday I fighted wiht others. It was my first time. I suck in fighting. Today I'm all blue.. OUTSIDE. Bruises all over me. I look like I got problems in my family.... :D

I need a real friend. Not to complain about my life and whine (everything is fine with me). I wanna just hang out, talk, do something fun every day. It's pretty hard to find a friend like that. "Hey! How are you? Bye!" isn't enough. Male persons, who want's to be with me, are interested in another way.. I like a guy in a non-romantic way. I like to hang out with him. I like his company. Everything is just fine, but then he fucking needs to get physical. Hate that! I'm not looking for a relationship. Another thing I don't like are cheap sloppy lines as "You're so beautiful.", "I'd give anything for you.", "Your eyes are like ocean and I feel like I'm drowning when I look in them.". The sucking part is when it's said many many times. One-two times are okay.. Is it really neccessary to say thousand times that you're intrested in my appearance? Isn't there something else to talk about? Is the look only thing I got? "You're gorgeous!" and I'm like what the hell I'm supposed to say? Thank you? Outside I'm ordinary. "You don't see yourself as I see you.". I've seen myself more than you have. I just wanna have good time not to hear about my appearance. I am what I am. I miss my friends in Estonia so so much. :/ The guys there didn't try to hit on or something. Only friendship and that was great, even though sometimes I wanted more. I got used to it and now it's weird to have another kind of attention that much.

It's painful to have a broken heart, but it's also painful to brake someone elses. To see the pain in their eyes. You wish you could feel the same, you even try to feel the same. You're the only thing that makes him feel good and stay away from bad things. You hope that he stops having those feelings. Only time can help...



There is a great thing too. My estonian friend has a competiton in Uppsala. I'm so excited to see him finally! So glad that I can be with a person who I have known in a longer time and with who I can speak my language. Wonderful!