Tsau! Kuidas läheb?

Kaks ja pool aastat Rootsis. Inimene harjub kiiresti. Tunne nagu polekski mujal elanud. Ajalugu on uni. Eelmine suvi oleks see kergemeelne yhiskond mu endale saanud. Ma olin nagu nemad. Ma olin liiga naiivne. Suures osas tänu Eestile. Vöib olla on see vale, aga mulle tundub et eestlased on siiramad. Selle teise sugupoolega saab päriselt ka söber olla Eestis. Ma pöhiliselt söber olingi. Ja see on hea. Parem kui see, mis siin. Mis ma ikka kurdan. Las need teised olla nagu tahavad. Mina pean öppima öel olema.

Mulle meeldib siin tegelikult. Teenin imehästi, enamus perest on siin, mu armastus on siin. Isegi rootsi keel on meeldima hakanud. Märtsi löpus on keeleöpingutega yhel pool. Kujutate ette, et siin saab umbes 3000 krooni kuus öppimise eest? Muretu elu. Peaaegu... Ma pole elus sellist yksindust tundnud kui siin ja köige haigem, et ma pole ju yksi. Vahepeal on väga hea, aga siis möni teine kord selline kurbusehetk, et ei oska ära olla. Ja igavus... Uhh.

Ma ikka väga kinni omadega. Tuleb see kirjutamis tuhin tagasi saada. Seniks aga... ärge mind ära unustage.

Greatful to the pain

So, I got highly sour stomach. I of course was paranoid enough to think I'm gon die :D Had pretty much decided how to spend the time I had left and that I love my life no matter how long and short it will be. I appreciate being alive. And now when I have constant pain in my stomach, I'm greatful that otherwise I'm in good healt and that I didn't have any pain before it. Despite all the inconvenieces I'm actually happy that it happend. It's like a wake-up-call.
There's not many ppl who knows that I started smoking in the summer. Me, the real hater of smoking. I wanted to quit for the last 2 months. I minimised my smoking, but I couldn't have a smoke-free day. Thanks to the bellyache I managed to stay smokefree. The smell disgusts me.
The other thing I've been working on is my eating habits. I've been trying to eat healthy. Now I have to do it. Wrong food (fatty, greasy food) would give me excruciating pain. So no chocolate :D
Things happen for a reason. I can't sleep that much and do things because of the pain, but it's all good for me.

EXCRUCIATING!

Suffering in pain for many hours now. I have no idea what's wrong, but my stomach is swollen. It's like I'm suddenly 4-5 months pregnant AND IT FRIKING HURTS. It started with a lower-back pain and now all my stomach feels like stuff inside wants to exploide. These times I really think how much I love my country. If you have these kind of problems, health-problems, you get help. Ambulans would come after you. Plus you don't have to pay a bunch of money for it. But here they just tell me to get there myself. Hell no! It's like 1 o'clock in the night, buses don't drive anymore and I live about 40km away. So I'm like "Be a man" , "Grow some balls" , "It would be over in the morning" aso. But I'm not a man and I most certainly don't need balls and it still hurts that bad that I cry. Please please please be over soon!!!

Dreams and OneLoveCruise

Weirdest night ever. First I saw a half-dream. It's like you're dreaming, but it feels so so real. My sweetie was sleeping next to me. It was super warm like it always is when he's in bed. I think he's hand was around me. I was reaching out for him and he was gone. My stupid almost dream. Me grabbing pillows and plankets. I got 3 pillows and 4 plankets on my bed :D Try to beat that.

Then a real dream. It was 19th century kind of mixed with present. The Hitler time. I remember I was in a small room with 2 doors. Next to right door standed Hitler and next to left door standed I-don't-remember-he's-name (it may have been Stalin, but in my dream he sure wasn't russian). Anyway it was war and those to were the heads of the 2 countries. Anyway the 3 of us was in the small room. Both of men were ready to open the door for me. I had to choose. I knew that Hitler's side was cruel, bad, evil. Not for the ppl who was on his side. I just knew it was wrong. But I also knew I'd survive for sure if I picked his side. There was an older woman who wanted good for me and told me to choose Hitler. But the other side... All my friends where on that side. Everybody I love was on that side. Somewhere... It was "the good side". But also the dangerous one. I knew I'll die there. I would have been marked either way. It was like a really painful tattoo kind of mark to show which side I belong to. I choosed Hitler. And I was crying all the time, 'cause I knew that my ppl gonna die. I woke up sweating more than I sweat in gym.


15.-17. november is the One Love Cruise. Stockholm-Tallinn-Stockholm. Yesterday was the first time I checked it out on the internet. I thought it was way too expensive for me and I didn't know it goes to Estonia. IT WAS CHEAP! There are performing a bunch of dancehall/reggae artist. I only knew like 3 of them but I have only one song from each of them on my phone. So I'll survive that I miss that cruise. In Spring there were really really really cool artists, but that time I didn't even knew about the cruise. Anyway this time is my favourite DJ on board. That Tequila bar DJ. And lot of my friends. I'm extremly jealous. And mad at myself. I would have had such a blast. But I'll go there next time and then will Squeeze be there :D Oh yes! Have to be so.

Gym Tan Work Joy Joy Joy ...

I discovered really awesome movies. "Madea's big happy family" , "Madea goes to jail" , "Madea's family reunion" and other films with Madea. Tyler Perry plays the character of Madea and HIS AMAZING. So funny! The best comedies of all!!

Started going to gym again and I'm taking it seriously. Sweat sweat sweat!

What's new? I'm occupied with a sweet sweet guy. So far so good. I'm changing.. now I don't let a guy be everything for me. I got other things in my life too. Weird that ever since you're not available anymore, loads of guys start to give lot of attention on you. So random things have happend. But I like it. Makes life more interesting. And they keep boosting my ego. So go ahead and come around me. I have good karma, ego, good whatever. I'm happy most of the time.

I really really really want my own club. It's my biggest wish and goal right now. There's not many good places where I can hear my music. There's a huge need for it. But first I gotta find more job, work hard so I'd have enough money to make my dream come true. My club already excists in my head. Gotta use "The Secret"...

Call me crazy, but I wanna have 3 jobs. Seriously. After 5 years I got em. And house. And car. Maybe pregnancy :D And after at most 10 years I got my club. Yep. That's how it's gonna be. If I don't change my mind meanwhile :D Anyway all those things are realistic and not that difficult to achieve.

I'm so tired, but not able to sleep. Strange. I got no problems, nothing that should keep me up. Everythings fine. I don't understand...

I'm so happy that I didn't go to USA. The people I've met, the friends I have now... I'm happy where I am now. I've never felt that kind of satisfaction. I always felt that I'm in wrong place. Now are things right.

I knew that the weekend is going to be good but in reality it was beyond everything I imagined. First Angela stayed over on Thursday. Girl talk almost all night long. Creating evil plans and laughing hard. She's really the best kind of girlfriend. "I don't let anybody hurt my gal!" and she means it. We were so close to do what we had planed... but things changed. And I'm glad about it. The person didn't deserve it actually. Rumours of jealous people made me believe bad things about him. Anyway I'm superhappy to have a friend who always got my back. So if someone's messing with me, he's gonna pay high price for that. I'm not the one to be played with.
Angela makes my life more exciting. I love you gal! She's one of the reasons why I should be happy.

Friday me and Angela were wearing friking hot outfits.

Who run the world? GIRLS! We went to my friends place first and then to Moses place. I wanted to go to Agave too. I went and it was so far the coolest party in Agave. Everybody was there plus lot of new people I haven't seen before. Lot of gorgeous people who knew how to dance. When I got in, I went to say hey to the Dj. Man I was happy to see him! He played all my favourite songs. Then a friend who I havent seen so long time came there. I almost huged him into pieces :D I danced hard and enjoyd every second.

Saturday was also fine as heaven! My sis wanted to go to Pari's party, but I choosed to stay with Angela. Then Pari invited Angela too and we went there. We were walking on the streets and Angela wanted me to listen some song and she gave me one of her headphones. "Listen this! Don't look to the right! Just walk.". She thought I was avoiding a person. "He was there. Calling your name and stuff." :D I went back and said hey.
Pari's party was cool but we didn't stay there that long. I wanted to go to Agave so bad. The music wasn't as good as it was on Friday but it was still good. I pretty much danced with only one person the whole night. Usually I dance alone, with my girls and some guy-friends. This time was a lot different.
Agave is another reason that keeps me happy. The memories I got there and people I met. I really enjoy the music there.

The third one is Squeeze. Whenever I hear his "Dutty love" I go crazy happy and I start dancing. Don't need much to be happy :) He's quite unknown artist, but not for long. I've been spreading Squeeze-love :D Yes, he gotta come to Sweden!

Then my family makes me glad. My sister is like my best friend and I couldn't me more greatful to my mom. She made me so beautiful in all ways.


When I meet someone, I hope that we don't have common friends, 'cause I don't wanna hear any rumours. I want the person to be an empty page for me. You never know if the things people say are true or not. People like to change truth and see things that aint there. "We see things as we are, not as they are". Rumours almost ruind everything. Things still went as they supposed to. And I'm happy.

Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Weeks ago I was heading to some queer thing with sister. In central station were some guys who tried to fob off phone-bill-contract or whatever it's called. Out of nowhere one half-black guy said "Damn u're fine." I saied "U too." and then he "Give me a kiss.". Just like that. People keep suprising me. My sister has the same contract so I decided to do it too. In the middle of writing down my information another contract-guy asked "Are u single?". Nice way to make girls sign the contract. As u see, it totally worked with me. Then they asked if my and my sister are a couple. Like wtf? Way too many ppl have thought that we're together. So weird! By now I have cancelled that stupid contract. It may be better than the one I have, plus I would get a new phone, but I don't really need it. I'm totally happy with the one I have.

I've been discovering Uppsalas sex shop "Lustgården" lately. I just love that place. Mostely because of the shopkeeper. She's so cool! "I've tried to put that condom on my head. I had to use 3...". The stuff there are friking amazing. I even found an awesome party-dress. Plus I got a wicked idea there. Evil me. If u play with me, I play u back.

"Don't get confused between my personality and my attitude. My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are."

 

Tomorrow is a big day. I'll get my salary and I have already planed how to chop half of it. Good job, huh! I'm getting a tattoo finally. Deam, how excited I am! The whole week is going to be amazing!

Mi luv da song!

Restoranitöö on suht käpas ja inimesed väga omad. Alguse poole oli kyll hullumaja. Seal käib nii palju kylalisi, et hoia ja keela. Pole elus midagi sellist näinud. Kui buss tuleb on mitukymmend inimest platsis, kes k6ik tahavad syya. Stress! Siis on yks araablasest kaastöötaja Thomas, kes on suht perv. Thomas on hullult s6bralik ja koguaeg naljatab minuga, aga käpib veits palju. Ykskord katsus mu kanni korra. Mu thai poksi treener Chawan töötab ka seal ja tal on Thomasega kana kitkuda. Igatahes treener nägi, et ma olin näost ära. Kysis mis on ja ma muidugi kitusin ära. "Step back and do the elbow-kick" :D 6petas, kuidas molli anda. Chawan on ylemuse tytre mees ja kuna Chawan ei salli seda "fucking pussy" 't ytles ta oma naisele, kes omakorda ylemusele :D Kartsin täiega, et nyyd hakkan vatti saama, aga k6ik oli kombes. Rohkem pole ta mind puudutanud. Imeline! Ma olen ikka suht muna kyll, et ma ise pole asju selgeks teinud. Tuleb lihtsalt öelda, et ära käpi mind ja korras. A ma loodan, et pilgust piisab. Sittagi.

Ylemus on mul nii äge! Ta on pärit Horvaatiast, Splitist, sellest kohast, mida ma armastan. Ta k6ht on nagu yks suur kivik6va pall. Nagu pomm, mis v6ib iga hetk plahvatada. Metsik!



Araabia mehed ja pilukad on jubedad! Näiteks eile Tequila bar'is yks pilukas lihtsalt seisis ja vahtis mind ja Anxu. See nägu kuulub maailma pervodema nägude top10-sse. See nilbe naeratus... vastik! Läksime Anxuga korra baarist välja jahtuma ja natukese aja pärast arvake ära, kes meie juurde tuli? Facking ilge tyyp. Alguses tegime nagu teda pole olemas, aga kui ta ikka aru ei saanud vihjest, tegime talle asjad puust punaseks. Rohkem ta meid ei tyydanud ega vahtinud :D Ja araablased... oeh. Matsid. Ei oska naisi kohelda.


Mu nv oli ylisisukas. Reedel kl. 3-10 töö restoranis pärast mida koju pessu ja kohe bussi peale. Tequila bar aka Agave. Ma ilmselgelt armastan seda kohta. I have never seen someone like him before! Ta tantsis kuradi vingelt. Ja siis tantsisin mina temaga. Ausalt, kus ta varem on olnud? See oli hämmastav. Pluss ta nägi äge välja. Bruno Marsi stiil. Siis ma leidsin kellegi, kes mu arust nägi välja nagu Kanye West.. no ma ei tea.. Ma joon inimesed ilusaks vist. Ja ta tantsis nagu uimane kala. K6ige parem on tantsida tydrukutega, eriti Anxu ja Triinuga. Triinuga läheme nats hulluks. Paljud arvavad alguses, et me oleme paar. Ykskord olime vetsujärjekorras ja yks tydruk, kes meie taga seisis ytles, et ma suudleks Triinu. "I can see that u like her. But don't go and fuck in the toilet 'cause I really need to pee.". Totally weird! Nyyd me väga ei julge koos tantsida...
Laupäeval kl. 1-10 töö restos. Järgnes sama stsenaarium nagu reedel. See nö Kanye West oli seal ja siis ja siis ja siis tuli mu ylilemmik tantsumees tagasi. Kui k6ik koju hakkasid minema ytles ta, et see on ta viimane nv siin. Kolib ära kuskile. My life!!! :D Eba6iglane. Mul olid suured plaanid temaga. Just kidding.
Pyhapäev kontorikoristus ja siis j6usaal. Kui Eesti tulen, näitan musklit. Olen suht rahul.

Huvitav, kuidas mu issi tunneb end.. yks tytardest on lesbi ja teisele meeldivad mustanahalised :D Huvitav, mis Arturist saab...

What's up?

Palju palju tööd ja trenni ja pidu viimased 2 nädalat. Kuna reedene teema on kõige värskem, siis skippin kõik muu. Pidin oma 4 sõbrannaga dominicaanlase juurde peole minema, aga see teema läks way liiga kahtlaseks, kui minekuks läks, nii, et läksime Sanne sõprade juurde. Pakuti juua nii, et võeti joogid ja topsid ja mindi meile kokku segama seda. Tänan ei. Võõraid ei usalda. Jälle liiga kahtlane. Hejdå ja oma teed. Muidugi olin juba selle mõelnud, et mis edasi, kui Sanne teema on lame. Tequila pub, kuhu tuli Abdullah oma šokolaadigängiga ja Daniel pidi ka oma sõpradeega tulema. Mul polnud ID-d kaasas, aga seda ei küsitudki. Houmid juba vist :D Valge DJ, mis tähendab üldjuhul lamedat muusikat, aga teatud konditsioonis olles ei oma see tähtsust. Vahepeal tuli midagi head ka ikka, nii et täiesti läbikukkunud see valge šokolaad polnud. Teised mu tüdrukud kadusid meil lihtsalt ära kuskile.Tantsisime Anxuga. Ma ei tea, mis tuuled küll puhusid, et meil nii palju lööki oli. Millegipärast arvasid mõned, et me tahame hullult neid enda vastu hõõruma. Mõni lihtsalt vaatas. Üks istus ja ütles, et ta abielluks meiega (minu ja Anxuga) kui ta juba abielus poleks, sest me tantsime hästi. Kind of weird. Ma ei hakka eitama, et sellise massive tähelepanu saamine mulle ei meeldinud. Sain enda jaoks maailma parima komplimendi, kui mulle öeldi "Dancehall queen".  Ütlen ausalt, et nad panid üle. Peo lõpu poole läks asi kahtlaseks. Kõik kutsusid meid enda juurde afterparty'le. Abdullah ühte kohta, ta sõber teise kohta, Anxu tuttava vend kolmandasse. "Come with us, we're having the best afterparty". Viimane laul (mis on muide superhea)

oli kõik kuidagi väga koos nagu kilud karbis. Liiga palju kehasid, liiga palju ohjeldamatuid käsi. Kui mingi kiimas araablane tuleb mu taha tantsima ja surub oma olematu asjanduse mu tagumiku vastu, pole ma eriti rõõmus. Give him the look and push him away. Väljas ootas meid takso. Kellega, kuhu?? Lõpetasime Salabackenis kohe selle studio, kus Chris muusikat tegi kui siin oli, kõrval. Vb sellepärast oli turvalisem tunne. Tants omavalitud muusika järgi + muusikavideo vaatamine suurelt ekraanilt, imeline! Me Anxuga põhimõtteliselt kuskile ööseks ei jää, aga oi deem mis jauramine algas, et me sinna jääks. Nii desperate ikka olla ei saa. Enne kella üheksat hommikul koju minek. Siiamaani magamata. Hea töö :D


Üks teine päev kohtasime Anxuga ülihuvitavat tüüpi. Meil oli igav ja kõndisime lihtsalt Uppsala linnapargis ringi. Istusime pingile ja kõrval olev tüüp hakkas juttu rääkima. Kingston guy Spino. Mu maailmapilt laienes. Ta rääkis, kuidas Jamaical on. Põmst igal pool võid lambist kuuli saada. Spino võtabki elu mõnuga ja naudib seda, mis on praegu, mitte ei tööta oo kauge helge tuleviku pärast, mida ei pruugigi tulla. Ta viskas oma prügi maha. arvake ära, mis suhtumine mul selle suhtes on, aga siis ta ütles midagi täiesti teise nurga alt vaadatut. Tänu sellele prahile saab keegi tööd. Hämmastav :D Ma pole elus nii sellele mõelnud. Üleüldse oli tal super suhtumine KÕIGESSE. Everliving, everfaithful, eversure.

Stop thinking about what's the wrong and what's the right thing to do. If it feels good then it's right and just skip the bullshit and enjoy.