My heaven on earth

My mind is taken over. I feel kind of stupid always thinking about you. Like I don't have anything else to do.. But I can't help it. I'm like 13 year old girl who has found her first love. Weird that just 6 months ago I couldn't believe we could ever be like this. Now I'm so in love that it makes me sick. It's like a cup of tea with dozen spoonfuls of sugar. So sweet. Too sweet. But also so right. Never been that crazy about someone. I barely recognize myself. I'm addicted. How can it be so perfect? You're everything I've ever wanted. I trust you. I adore you. Your music, your life experiences, your past, your personality... You amaze me. Yes, I'm going far away for far too long and I know that things can change, but if it's still the same when I return, then it proves I'm right about us. Anyway I believe in us. I may go, but I'm never gone. I see you in my future.

Nightmare, emotions, assurance

I saw the most disturbing dream the other day. I woke up and I felt sick about it. There was a pretty girl with straight brown long hair and brown eyes. And I made out with her. And I had a penis (just for a moment. Things appears and disappears in dreams). I was kind of turned on, but still felt disgusted while doing it. She was into me. And after that I saw my bf. He thought I made out with a guy. I tell you friends, he's clear-sighted even in real life! And I told him that I didn't. The girl was sitting on the other side of table. I kissed his face and tried to calm him down meanwhile feeling guilt that was killing me inside. And with the same guilt I woke up. Felt like I really did it. So sick. So gross.


I'm not a good gf. I make my guy sad on Valentine's Day. But it was need to be said. And by it I mean going to USA. Now I can say it out here. More than a year ago I decided to be and Au Pair there. And now I finally have a match family. They are really perfect for me. Only the timing is so wrong. But I want this. I know it's right.


He is truly amazing. The fact I'm going doesn't mean I don't love him. Good things will last no matter what. And we have not only a good thing, we have a GREAT thing. Once I sat down with my best friend and we both made "List of a magic man". I found it and guess what? My guy is 10 from 10. Unbelievable. You find what you want when you're not looking. Everliving, everfaithful, eversure.
Tim Minchin has killing lyrics in "If I didn't have you":
And I'm not underevaluating what weve got
when i say that giving the role of chaos inevitably plays in the imperatively flawed notion of fate, its obstruse to deduse that i found my soulmate at the age of seventeen. its just mathematically unlikely that in a university in Perth I happenned to stumble on the one girl on earth
The whole song is so right. I know that there's more than just one. I know.. But I can say with no doubts that I "stumbled on" the right one. I don't wanna try out others. I have the perfect one right now. I'm not "blinded by the sun". I can see clearly. After many months I can finally see that this really is the right thing. This really is something to have and keep and appreciate. Unbelievable trust. I feel special. We are special.

He who amazed me

I watched a video on youtube seconds ago and I just have to share it.

It makes me wanna know him. Isn't he amazing? His obviously poor, but not even a bit bitter. What an inspiration. Part of me wants that he get famous and starts earning lot of money, but the other part is scared that he may lose that special beauty in him, 'cause money often change people. Hope he will not change and that he has the life he deserves. Hope he don't ever have to worry about where to sleep or what to eat. You can tell that the voice comes right from his heart. He gives higher meaning to the word MUSIC. Incredible how much love you can get from music.

The Good Continues

The prise for getting what I want is letting go of something I didn't know I wanted SO BAD. That's the way life is. No easy ways. But I'm sure it's good for something. I wonder how's life next year the same time. Exciting.


Went to some gay-lesbian thing with my sis. "We don't die, we multiply". In may is going to take place Uppsala Pride and they need help to arrange things. They talked only swedish. I really tried to consentrate on what they where saying, but the attractions... I looked the people and my thoughts flew away.
My sis is AMAZING. Love her. Had a blast with her.


Positivity attracts positivity. I'm gonna start working more soon, which means more money for my future plans. AWESOME! About week ago I got money and that's just indescribable how good it feels to be able to buy things yourself. Independence. I have earned money since I was 11-years old but it was just summer-jobs and the wage was terribly low. It's undefineable how glad I am about how life have changed for me and my family. From counting coins till this. I'm greatful. My guy is amazing. Not perfect but unique. Worth having and keeping. And my future plans.... So much great thigs going on.


Mr Stalker talked. I thought only thing he's able to do is stare. But no, he suprised me. With a girly voice. Nice!

Something good for ears.