Leidsin midagi supernunnut, mille olemasolu olin unustanud. Ühe hea sõbra kirjutatud mulle pühendatud laul. Jep, olen friking uhke :D
 
So there's this girl I know,
that I met on facebook not so long ago
she's got dark eyes and red lips that must drive
all the boys wild.
I imagine they're all over her
From cobra's to kangaroos
She's got them in her very own zoo(animal
planet is on the tv so work with me)..

Yes she's a zookeeper, an equal lover.
There are no favourites on her list,
so if i may, I'd like to make a wish,
that if i turn into a frog for her
she'd release me with a kiss

Oh
yes its her cautious smile and quick wit,
that must drive all the boys wild.
I've seen them all over her,
In China and Estonia too,
she's got them in her very own zoo
Yes she's a zookeeper, an equal lover,
her heart belongs to each and every one,
and I would compete for her attention,
but I know, such devotion, would only build up the tension
between I and her



before I finish this song I must admit.
that this is no fun, no walk in the park.
To know there's little hope on such an obvious spark
But its all worth the risk to me,
to know another day
and get familar with her adorable ways!


Kiire käik Eestis tehtud. Viisa on passis! Turvakontrolli inimesed olid supervinged. Muljed Eestist? Oeh, elu oleks ilus, kui aint eesti keelt Eestis kuuleks, aga need friking sibulad, kes aru ei saa kus riigis nad on. Nägin ühte osa eesti tippmodellidest. APPPPPPPPI, KUI HALE. See on lausa piinlik, mis ajukääbikud seal on. Ma ei tea, kas kõik, aga suur enamus. Kui välimust on, siis aju ei pea olema ju. Ja siis see üks vene tüdruk, kes eesti keelt ei osanud ütles, et ta elab Narvas ja tal pole huvi ega vajadust olnud, et eesti keelt õppida. KUS KURADI RIIGIS SA OLED IDIKAS?? MINE OMA VENEMAALE, TROPP! Ma olen kuri. Nii kuri! Sibulad ajavad mu ropendama. Sellised sõnad tulevad mu suust, et ise ka ei usu, et ma neid ütlen. Ma ei tahaks olla rassist, aga ma tõepoolest ei salli neid... Võib-olla on mu sallimatus isa elukaaslase suhtes lihtsalt nii tugev, et kõik venkud tuletavad mulle natuke teda meelde ja siis automaatselt ei meeldi ka teised "liigikaaslased mulle. Vahepeal mõtlen, et paras oleks, kui Narva läheks Venemaa alla. Nautigu oma sibulaelu siis. Oeh! Sinine lauvärv ja punased huuled. Sädelevad litritega riided. Õõõh! Vähemalt tean ühte venelast, kes mulle väga väga meeldib.
Üks asi, mis mind veel hullult häiris oli üks rahvahääletus Tallinnas. "Tulge hääletage tasuta ühistranspordi poolt". Kõigepealt raiskavad raha sellise idiootse küsitluse peale, mille vastus on ju ilmselge. Arvata on, et inimesed tahavad tasuta ühistransporti. Ja siis mille arvelt seda rahastama hakatakse? Naeruväärne, kui paigast ära asjad on. Isegi uudised on nii mõttetud, ebaolulised. Jah, mulle meeldivad mu inimesed, eestlased. Jah, mulle meeldib mu maa, Eesti loodus. Mulle meeldib see tunne, kui ma olen seal. Mõistmine. They just get me. See lihtsus. Nii hea! Aga ma olen 99% kindel, et ma ei ela Eestis ka kaugemas tulevikus. Ma lihtsalt ei taha. Mul on kergem mujal. Peaaegu 9 kuud Rootsis on möödas. Ma pole mitte kunagi olnud õnnelikum ja rahulolevam. See on kodu. Kõik on nii oma. Ma tunnen juba inimesi mu pisikeses linnakeses. Vanainimesed on sõbralikud. Poemüüjad on viisakad ja heatujulised. VENEKEELT EI KUULE PEAAEGU KUNAGI. Palk on mitu korda suurem, kui mul Eestis oli. Sotsiaalelu on ka juba suht sama, mis Eestis. Ma olen rahul endaga. Rootsi keele õpingud saavad varsti läbi ja siis saab ülikooli minna. Elame näeme.
Kahe kuu pärast teen minekut. No fear, just very excited. Ja ma pole kurb, kuigi maha jääb palju, MA TULEN JU TAGASI! Kõik räägivad mulle mingist mehe leidmisest USAs ja et kui ma sinna saan, siis nagunii jään kauemaks kui aasta. Jah, kõik on võimalik, aga mu eesmärk pole armastuse leidmine. See on mul olemas juba. Ja ma ei usu, et ma tahaks USAs elama hakata. Ma pole ennustaja, seega eks näis, mis saab. Õnnelik praegu ja õnnelik tulevikus.

KRISTINE LAURITS, MU LEMMIK TÜDRUK

Palju õnne kallis! Ja ära karda, et su esimene number on 2, mitte enam 1 ja et sa pole enam teen. 20 on friking lahe! Pealegi ega midagi enam ei muutunud ka. Tasuta hambaravi kadus juba 2 aastat tagasi. :D Ma armastan sind! Loodan, et su päev on supervinge, mu Cherry.

Wisdom grows with the time. I see life in a different way. Love is different. And I can say that even better. No foolish hopes. Everything's so real. That makes me feel secure and strong.

Why on earth I'm writing in english when I and everybody who's reading are estonians? Enough of that bullshabadabait. Eesti keele aeg. Kui sa oled kellegi heaga siis aeg saab tiivad. Ei tasu kurb olla, sest see hea mis on ei saa veel nii pea otsa. Ja see tõesti on hea. Ma vaatan kõrvalt teiste suhteid. Esiteks Ronni ja Sammi Jearsy Shore'ist (ei naera! Mulle päriselt ka meeldib see, vaatamata selle, kui mõttetu ta on), siis mu sõprade suhted, mu vanemate suhted, mu enda eelmised suhted... nii palju lolle vigu. Peamiselt liigne armukadedus. Täiesti okei on olla armukade. Jesstas, ma muutusin armukadedaks juba siis, kui Chris nägi oma sõbrannat üle pika aja ja rääkis temaga natuke. Aga otse loomulikult ei teinud ma sellest suurt numbrit. Kahjuks paljud oma suhetes teevad. See pole enam armukadedus, see on usalduse puudumine. Pidev näägutamine, minevikus tehtud vigade ette heitmine. Siis tekib tahtmine teha midagi, et seda jama ära teenida. Petmine. Tülitsemine. Lõpuks kumbki ei saa aru, miks nad üldse koos on. Cut the crap! Mina armastan sind, sina mind, milles probleem?????? Lihtsalt ole tänulik, et ta sul on. Mina olen tänulik. Kui aasta USAs midagi muudab, siis järelikult peab nii minema, aga hetkel olen ma päris kindel, et võiks temaga olla pikemas perspektiivis. You know lapsed ja asjad.. kauges tulevikus :D

Käisin sõbral külas, kellel on jama oma naisega. Trust issues. Neil on supernunnu laps ja kena kodu. Kõik oleks super.. Naine on kuskil ära lapsega paariks nädalaks ja nii ma seal istusin sõbra sassis korteris. Sassis on muugi, kui korter. Inside-out. Ta isegi ei öelnud oma naiskale, et ma temaga kahekesi õhtusel ajal. Ilmselge ju, et üks N ja üks M home alone tähendab midagi seksuaalset. Chris sai ka way too armukadedaks ja pani toru hargile kui ütlesin talle, et sõbra juures olen, aga ta vähemalt sai aru, et see oli temast rumal. Nagu ta ütles, on see mu oma viga, kui ma midagi rumalat teen ja temast ilma jään. "You don't wanna loose this hot guy.". Hahha, deam right! :D Enesekindlust peab olema.

Miks on nii, et peaagu iga söök, mis ma talle teen, kukub jamasti välja? See on lihtsalt uskumatu. Tegin kolme-šokolaadi-muffineid, mis oleks pidanud ülisupernämmad tulema, aga mul õnnestus need ära kõrvetada. Mina, the muffin master. No mida??


Mu sotsiaalelu on elavnenud. Terve see nädal on sõpru täis olnud. Kõigepealt üks liibüa tüdruk mu koolist, kes tahtis mu sõbraks hakata. Täpselt sama lihtsalt nagu väikestel lastel käib. "Hakkame sõpradeks?" "Okei.". Mul on kahju, et tal pole eriti sõpru ja et tal igav on, aga ma ei tunne end mugavalt tema seltsis. Kui inimene pool tundi jaurab ja meelitab sind endale külla ja sa hakkad otsima rida vabandusi, miks sa minna ei saa ja lõpuks tunned end nagu idikana, et ei julge otse välja öelda, et sa EI TAHA MINNA. Ma olen lihtsalt harjunud, et kui eestlasele ütled korra ei, siis üldjuhul ei hakka ta jaurama ja jamama nagu viieaastane.

Siis see prantslane koolist, keda ma eelnevalt stalkeriks olen nimetanud. Ta on õppinud rootsi keelt piisavalt, et suhelda minuga (ma ei mõtle, et minu pärast õppis vaid seda, et enne ei rääkinud ta ühise keele puudumise tõttu vaid tegi ta ränka pilgumängu). Ta hääl on nii gei. "Ma rääkisin oma elukaaslasega ja sa võiksid meie peole tulla. Sinna tulevad mõned sõbrad, prantslased Uppsalast..." jne. Ma tahaks teada, mida ta oma naiskale ütles. Ma poleks üldse üllatunud, kui nad oleksid huvitatud väiksest threesome'st.. ja see pidu on mingi orgia. Võib-olla olen mina see imelik ja paranoiline, kui arvan, et selline jõllitamine väga ei kõlba. Ehk on see muu maailma suhtes normaalne. Või no, prantslaste suhtes normaalne. Igatahes see rahvus tundub dirty-minded ja puht pervo. MINA ORGIALE EI LÄHE :D

Mu kodukandi aafriklased. Nemad on juba väga meeltmööda. Nina, ta mees ja nende 2 beebit. Nii mõnus on ette teatamata külla minna. Nagu siis, kui ma väike olin. Igatahes nädala 3 esimest päeva olen oma aega nendega sisustanud. Aafriklaste kehakuju on võrratu. Ükskõik, kui kopsakad või kleenukesed, ikka näevad head välja. Mitte kleenukesed mehed aint. KÕHNAD MEHED ON JUBEDAD!

Tänu inimestele mu ümbed on mu enesehinnang palju palju parem, kui varem. Te ei kujuta ette ka, kui väga inimestele, kellel on pruun silmavärv (aafriklased, araablased........) meeldivad teist värvi silmad. Obsessed! Kui ma varem mõtlesin värviliste läätsede peale, siis nüüd FORGET ABOUT IT! Kehaga olen lõpuks ometi rahul. Televisioon, ajakirjad loovad idiootse iluideaali - 2 konti ja kusehais nagu mu vanaisa ütleb. Robustselt öeldud aga tõsi. Tagajärjeks on söömishäired, mis häbi tunnistada, aga ka mind piinasid 4-5 aastat. Parem vaadake neid imelisi naisi...

 Üks, mis mind veel häirib on vale arusaam seksikusest. Paljasta oma keha palju tahad, tee pornostaari näoilmeid ja ainus mis saavutad on see, et YOU LOOK FRIKING RIDICULOUS. "Tule maga mu peal, olen avalik madrats.". Good luck! Pange google otsingusse "sexy". No ma ei tea... mu arust on see veits odav. Silikontissid ja muu.. Väkk! Vaatasin saadet "Ilu otsinguil", kus külastati erineva kultuuriga maid, et uurida nende arusaama ilust. Maroko naised olid üleni kaetud. Ainult silmad paistsid. "It felt really good, that guys instead of watching my boobs or ass, looked me in to eyes," ütles üks saates olnu. Ilu ja seksikus pilgus. Ilu ja seksikus iseloomus. Ilu ja seksikus intelligentsuses. By the way, Megan Fox on 100% seksapiilne.

My heaven on earth

My mind is taken over. I feel kind of stupid always thinking about you. Like I don't have anything else to do.. But I can't help it. I'm like 13 year old girl who has found her first love. Weird that just 6 months ago I couldn't believe we could ever be like this. Now I'm so in love that it makes me sick. It's like a cup of tea with dozen spoonfuls of sugar. So sweet. Too sweet. But also so right. Never been that crazy about someone. I barely recognize myself. I'm addicted. How can it be so perfect? You're everything I've ever wanted. I trust you. I adore you. Your music, your life experiences, your past, your personality... You amaze me. Yes, I'm going far away for far too long and I know that things can change, but if it's still the same when I return, then it proves I'm right about us. Anyway I believe in us. I may go, but I'm never gone. I see you in my future.

Nightmare, emotions, assurance

I saw the most disturbing dream the other day. I woke up and I felt sick about it. There was a pretty girl with straight brown long hair and brown eyes. And I made out with her. And I had a penis (just for a moment. Things appears and disappears in dreams). I was kind of turned on, but still felt disgusted while doing it. She was into me. And after that I saw my bf. He thought I made out with a guy. I tell you friends, he's clear-sighted even in real life! And I told him that I didn't. The girl was sitting on the other side of table. I kissed his face and tried to calm him down meanwhile feeling guilt that was killing me inside. And with the same guilt I woke up. Felt like I really did it. So sick. So gross.


I'm not a good gf. I make my guy sad on Valentine's Day. But it was need to be said. And by it I mean going to USA. Now I can say it out here. More than a year ago I decided to be and Au Pair there. And now I finally have a match family. They are really perfect for me. Only the timing is so wrong. But I want this. I know it's right.


He is truly amazing. The fact I'm going doesn't mean I don't love him. Good things will last no matter what. And we have not only a good thing, we have a GREAT thing. Once I sat down with my best friend and we both made "List of a magic man". I found it and guess what? My guy is 10 from 10. Unbelievable. You find what you want when you're not looking. Everliving, everfaithful, eversure.
Tim Minchin has killing lyrics in "If I didn't have you":
And I'm not underevaluating what weve got
when i say that giving the role of chaos inevitably plays in the imperatively flawed notion of fate, its obstruse to deduse that i found my soulmate at the age of seventeen. its just mathematically unlikely that in a university in Perth I happenned to stumble on the one girl on earth
The whole song is so right. I know that there's more than just one. I know.. But I can say with no doubts that I "stumbled on" the right one. I don't wanna try out others. I have the perfect one right now. I'm not "blinded by the sun". I can see clearly. After many months I can finally see that this really is the right thing. This really is something to have and keep and appreciate. Unbelievable trust. I feel special. We are special.

He who amazed me

I watched a video on youtube seconds ago and I just have to share it.

It makes me wanna know him. Isn't he amazing? His obviously poor, but not even a bit bitter. What an inspiration. Part of me wants that he get famous and starts earning lot of money, but the other part is scared that he may lose that special beauty in him, 'cause money often change people. Hope he will not change and that he has the life he deserves. Hope he don't ever have to worry about where to sleep or what to eat. You can tell that the voice comes right from his heart. He gives higher meaning to the word MUSIC. Incredible how much love you can get from music.

The Good Continues

The prise for getting what I want is letting go of something I didn't know I wanted SO BAD. That's the way life is. No easy ways. But I'm sure it's good for something. I wonder how's life next year the same time. Exciting.


Went to some gay-lesbian thing with my sis. "We don't die, we multiply". In may is going to take place Uppsala Pride and they need help to arrange things. They talked only swedish. I really tried to consentrate on what they where saying, but the attractions... I looked the people and my thoughts flew away.
My sis is AMAZING. Love her. Had a blast with her.


Positivity attracts positivity. I'm gonna start working more soon, which means more money for my future plans. AWESOME! About week ago I got money and that's just indescribable how good it feels to be able to buy things yourself. Independence. I have earned money since I was 11-years old but it was just summer-jobs and the wage was terribly low. It's undefineable how glad I am about how life have changed for me and my family. From counting coins till this. I'm greatful. My guy is amazing. Not perfect but unique. Worth having and keeping. And my future plans.... So much great thigs going on.


Mr Stalker talked. I thought only thing he's able to do is stare. But no, he suprised me. With a girly voice. Nice!

Something good for ears.

The universe is on my side

Getting what you want is SO GOOD! My life get's better and better. I'm happy :) And I know that it's all so right for me. 100% sure I'm making the right decisions.


MY AFRICAN GIRL IS BACK IN SCHOOL. After school I went to her and saw her little baby girl (almost 1 month old) and son (19 months). I fell in love. They were so unbelievably cute. After 5 or more years I'm gonna get one myself. Nina cooked superdelicious african food. Her boyfriend said that estonian girls are the prettiest. Hahha, worldwide truth :D

I LOVE LIFE

Listen it! So good song!



Dalai Lama test

I did some Dalai Lama personality test (it's in estonian, but if you google, I'm sure you'll find it in english too)  and I had a good good laugh. Here am I according to the test:

 

List starting from the most important:

1. PRIDE
2. FAMILY
3. LOVE
4. CAREER
5. MONEY

I am FAITHFUL

My enemy is NASTY ( I'd feel sorry for myself if I had an enemy)

My life is BEAUTIFUL ( no doubts)

My partner is HAIRY (doubtful)

My attitude to sex is BITTER ( :D kind of)



I'm never gonna forget Chris

My true love is Cherry (you know I love you girl :D )

I'll always remember my mom

My true friend is my dad

My soulmate is Akshay


On some Friday I'm gonna meet someone, 'cause I wished it even though I didin't send that test to 5 persons :D It's just gonna happen...

My good good world

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. Went to school today. In bus-station was a guy with his girlfriend and the guy was staring at me. And he sat next to me. Like on the other row, not exactly next to. His gf sat with him and he still didn't stop staring. It was actually funny. Like retarded. Then turned out he goes in the same school. Marlvellous! At least not in same class. I'm not saying it was totally gross. Guess I looked good. I felt hot and probably the heat catched others :D


My favorite guy is back in school. He started with me, but then disappeared. Now he's back and I'm happy. He's one of the 2 persons I always can talk english. The other one is my AMAZING AFRICAN GIRL. She was very pregnant when I last saw her :D But now she probably have delivered. I'm so excited!
It was really sweet to see everybody. And it was even nicer to see my schedule :D 10 classes in  a week. Wednesday is free. Lot of time to work. CLEAN OFFICES! I don't know why should I be ashamed and not happy. First of all that work fell into my hands. And of course I took it. "No, I don't do that kind of job. It's too low for me.". Seriously?... work is work and yes I'm happy to at least have one. And isn't that HAPPY all that life should be? I'm not saying I'm gonna be cleaner for the rest of my life. Now I'm gonna say something that makes me look pretty stupid :D The money I would get as unemployment benefit would be much more than my wage. I only work 12 hours in a week so yeah.. But it's going to change. I'm not a loser, I can earn my own money. And I'm not a whining bitch. Happy for things I have and things I don't have... I feel sorry for them for not having ME :D


I've been rocking my body with http://www.bodyrock.tv/ and by summer, I'm gonna look amazing. I really suggest to try it out, cause it works. After a bit more than a week my body has already changed a bit. Love it! And the energy and positivity what I get from the videos and workouts is awesome. About 15 minutes training and I'm 400g lighter. What you think about that, huh? Muscles burns calories.



Crazy about chocolate... :D:D About 3 months and it's still going on. Didn't know I had that constancy and commitment left... Doubts and hesitations fight with sureness. But I know, what I have is greater than ever.